Scripture: 1 Corinthians 7:2 2 “But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.”
“The dictionary defines cohabitation as the state of living together and having a sexual relationship without being married”.
Cohabitation or “vat en sit” as it is known, is becoming more and more acceptable among couples. In fact the cohabitation statistics are rising while marriage statistics are declining. About 2,5 million people are estimated to be cohabiting in South Africa.
There are many reasons for couples opting for cohabiting or vat en sit which I will not delve into in this article, but I must say that couples choose to cohabit because they are not ready to commit. What makes vat en sit even more attractive is the perceived ease with which parties can walk away from the arrangement without the legal hassles associated with getting a divorce. What cohabiting couples fail to see though, is the many disadvantages of cohabiting especially if there are children involved and when one of the parties die. I will also not delve into these disadvantages in this article.
What is important for me is to look into what the Word of God says about cohabiting. I will not beat about the bushes, cohabiting is sinful in the eyes of God. God established marriage as the only institution into which his children may enter into and enjoy his blessings. There is no doubt that cohabiting or vat en sit leads to sex before marriage or sex outside marriage which is a sin in the eyes of God. The laws set out in Exodus 22:16 and Deuteronomy 22:28-29 emphasize the importance of marriage and the sinfulness of sex outside of marriage.
In 1 Corinthians 7:1-9, the Apostle Paul address the priority of sex within the confines of marriage. To have sex with anyone who is not your spouse is a sin. In Genesis 2:24 the bible declares that a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. It is clear that the only form of lawful sexuality is the marriage of one man and one woman.
In my ten years of pastoral ministry I have seen couples cohabiting after being engaged. For some reason better known to themselves, engaged couples think that they are married and begin to live like or as married couples. The problem arises when they start addressing one another as “husband” and “wife” before they are pronounced as such. I would not want to get into the discussion about the cultural or theological meaning of engagement, lobola and marriage but what I can say in no uncertain terms is that engagement is not a licence to have sex.
In the bible Joseph and Mary were engaged but they never had sex during, their engagement period. Read Matthew 1:18-25. In Genesis 29:16-23, we also see that Jacob was engaged to Rachel but he would never have sex with her until the night of the wedding feast. Engaged couples must just be self-controlled and wait until they are married, if they are truly children of God and are obedient to His Word.
I have also had couples who claim that they are just living together but they are not having sex. My response to them is that if they are living together and are not having sex, then they have a bigger problem since that would mean they are not attracted to each other and therefore they should not even be thinking about marriage.
Advise:
- Repent and get married.
- Be self-controlled and wait for the right time.
- Read Song of Solomon 8:4
Rev T.L Mashiloane has been married for 21 years. He is the Presiding Pastor of two Full Gospel Church assemblies, City of Love & Restoration in Sasolburg and Faith Tabernacle in Viljoenskroon. He is also the CEO of HospiVision. (www.hospivision.org.za). For further advise and counselling, please contact Rev Mashiloane on 082 579 4595 / revmashiloane@gmail.com
For further advice and counselling contact Rev Mashiloane on 082 579 4595
The views and opinions expressed in this article are that of the contributor Rev TL Mashiloane and do not represent that of Sedibeng Ster.
