What sayeth the Lord about conflict in marriage?

No married couple is immune to conflict in their marriage. Every couple will inevitably have disagreements or conflict, although many couples will not admit it. The important thing for Christian couples is to handle the conflict in a manner that is pleasing to God.

One of the reasons we have conflict in marriage, is that marriage is a union of two people who come from different backgrounds and are themselves different in personality and character.

Resolving conflict requires forgiveness. Couples must be able and willing to ask for and give                                                    forgiveness. The Bible in Luke 6:37 tells us that, if we forgive, we will also be forgiven. Unforgiveness is a danger to any marriage and can lead to many things and ultimately divorce.

There is an important conflict resolution principle which Jesus teaches us in Matthew 18:15                                                       when He says, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens, you have won your brother over”. We can apply this principle in our                                                            marriage by talking to our spouses first before talking to anybody else. This is important because it is a sign of respect for your spouse. Also, a third party is likely to give biased counsel,                                                      which may worsen the conflict.

Depending on the magnitude and severity of the conflict, there are times when you will need advice from others. The Bible in Proverbs 27:17 tells us that one person sharpens another. It is however important for couples to choose their advisers carefully and prayerfully. It makes a lot of sense that advice be given by another married couple whose marriage is not necessarily perfect but at least healthy. It is also important for couples to agree on who their advisers or counsellors will be.

Scripture:

{Ephesians 4:26-27} “Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil”

Advise:

My advice for married couples is that whenever conflict arises, they must limit their discussion to the one issue that is at the centre of the conflict, without bringing up past mistakes. In other words – DON’T MIX ISSUES, as this will lead to more conflict. Secondly couples should attack the issue at hand and never each other. Remember when the conflict is resolved, you both win. Lastly, pray together about each conflict before discussing it.

Prayer:

Father, in the name of Jesus, I pray that couples may have compassion and understanding for one another. I pray that they should stop trying to change one another, because only you my Father are able to change your own people. Lord I pray that your children may live in harmony with one another. Help us Lord to be swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.

Pastor T.L. Mashiloane has been married for 19 years. He is the Presiding

Pastor of two Full Gospel Church Assemblies, City of Love & Restoration in

Sasolburg and Faith Tabernacle in Viljoenskroon.

For further advice and counselling contact Pastor Mashiloane

on 082 579 4595