The route to a better you: Wellness questions answered

Do you want to increase your well-being and happiness?

We asked Lineke Haydock – a certified integral coach, accredited integrative enneagram practitioner and leadership embodiment associate coach – four questions on how to live a better life.

Q: How important are sleep, diet and exercise?

A: Holistic living means looking after our whole selves – all our parts are connected and when we make small improvements in one area, other areas also benefit. When we neglect one area, the other parts also suffer. The foundation of living well is getting regular, quality sleep. Without this, everything else becomes so much harder! Poor sleep slows down our metabolism, leading to poor food choices as we try to find energy shortcuts to keep going. It leaves us with no energy for exercise. It leaves us feeling that we are simply surviving and not thriving. Poor sleep and nutrition also lower our immune systems and contribute to depression.

Q: How can people who say their work/family commitments prevent them from looking after themselves, make changes in their lives?

A: Adding self-care to your day is also an act of love for others: You can’t pour from an empty cup! The idea that busyness is a virtue is outdated and can lead to burnout – which means you cannot show up for work or family anyway. We look after a car by treating it well, filling it with quality fuel and regularly maintaining it. In the same way, we are our most productive selves when we choose care for our ‘engines’. Work and family commitments can feel overwhelming, so the trick is to look for micro-moments to bring more ease into your day. A short walk around the block; a few deep, breaths; and fuelling your body with nutrient-dense food will make a difference to your well-being.

Q: What should we do to improve our self-care?

A: It’s easy to feel overwhelmed with a long list of ‘shoulds’. Our self-care shouldn’t become a burden. Aim for small wins each day: A few minutes of deep breathing; one day of good nutrition choices; going to bed 10 minutes earlier than usual – small changes add up over time. Ask yourself this question: “How can I create 2% more ease in this moment?” Be creative: Get your family to join you in a stretch session while you wait for supper to cook; take a deep breath in and a long breath out at each red traffic light or in the supermarket queue.

Q: 7 Tips for living a meaningful, rewarding life?

A: Practice compassion – for yourself and others. Speak to yourself like you would speak to a friend: Encouragement is more rewarding than criticism.

Aim for progress instead of perfection. Small steps are more manageable than giant leaps.

Be kind. When you are having a bad day, do a small act of kindness for someone else. And when you are having a good day, pay it forward. It fills each day with a more meaning.

If you do nothing else, breathe! Breathe in for four counts, hold for seven counts, exhale for eight counts. You will have a little more resilience to get through a tough day.

Good sleep is the best investment you can make in your life.

Eat well because you love your body, not because you hate your body and want to deprive it. Pay attention when you eat: Put down other distractions and notice the taste and texture of what you are nourishing yourself with.

Make gratitude part of each day – for a delicious warm drink, or for a moment of stillness in the middle of a busy day. It makes a difference in our minds, bodies and hearts.

A happier life starts with self-love

People watch their words when talking to others, yet often are not as kind to themselves.

In practising self-love, we need to stop and take note of how we talk to ourselves, says Dr Marlet Tromp, an experienced life, executive and business coach.

Self-talk

Self-talk can work against self-love. To determine how you speak to yourself, says Marlet, write down what you say to yourself and about yourself for one week. Ask yourself if you would say what you have said to yourself, to anyone else? The answer is most often ‘no’! Why would you then say that to yourself?

“You need to show yourself the same kindness you show others. The risk of negative self-talk is that you might, in time, believe what you say to yourself and act accordingly.

“Often, this self-talk is generalised and not specific, factual, or true. For example, ‘I always eat too much’. Rather replace this with, ‘I eat too much if I go out for supper’.”

Changing how to talk to or about yourself is one of many ways people can improve their level of self-love.

Strength and weaknesses

Marlet advises people to list five strengths and weaknesses. “Use your strengths as often as you can. Your strengths build confidence and self-love. However, knowing your weaknesses enables you to take action to improve them, which can lead to personal development. When we ignore and or deny our weaknesses, we give them ‘power’. For example, if a person denies that they are jealous, the jealousy will become worse, as it is not contained.”

Compliments

When you receive a compliment, you have received a gift from someone. “When we receive a gift, we are expected to say thank you. The moment we say thank you, we have accepted the gift and we might in time start believing it. Not only do we allow the other person to receive the joy of giving the compliment, but in time it can also create joy for us. When we do not believe a compliment, it does not make the compliment less valid or real.”

Comparisons

Marlet says that comparing ourselves to another person is like looking through a keyhole, seeing only part of the picture, and then measuring ourselves against it. “If we could see the full picture of the other person, it might be very different to what we thought.

“If we try to be like others, we will lose our authenticity. Instead, look at where you are and where you want to be and then put a plan into action on how to get there. Then we are truly authentic and accepting of ourselves.”

Marlet’s self-love list

1. When you wake up, take note of your surroundings – what do you smell, hear, see, and feel? This will assist you to be in the moment.
2. Tell yourself you feel good, and that you are ready for the day, no matter what happens.
3. Look in the mirror and give yourself a specific compliment about your body.
4. Say one of your strengths out loud. For example, I can assert myself in difficult situations.
5. Take 15 minutes every day to do something you enjoy. For example, sit and have a cup of tea at the end of the day and switch off.
6. Say thank you every day for something and work towards an attitude of gratitude. Gratitude leads to joy.
7. Take any action every day, working towards a bigger goal. Action often creates a sense of accomplishment.
8. Give another person a compliment every day. To create joy for others, creates joy within.
9. When you see someone, smile. People mostly reciprocate, and this creates a good feeling.
10. Identify a weakness and do something every day to improve this weakness.