Things NOT to do over Christmas

Last year 1 376 people lost their lives on the roads. Speeding or drinking and driving are no joke so abstain from doing either one. Plus, there is nothing more unattractive then someone driving with their seat dropped low, beer in hand. This is not a movie and you are not some “gangsta” from Compton.

Office parties – go easy on the open bar to prevent embarrassing situations like “hooking-up,” with the dubious fella from accounting that everyone avoids because he smells like cheese. Furthermore in your drunken haze you don’t want to make any misjudgments like thinking the cocktail table dressed in jingle bells is sturdy enough to support your weight as you twerk Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda” only to have it collapse under you. Remember you are there to have a good time, and not there to become a YouTube sensation.

At all costs refrain from doing any shopping on 24 December. The last thing you want is to find yourself in a packed mall trying to navigate your way through isles of screaming babies and irritable patrons wearing the same forlorn expression as you. All while frantically searching for the sago to go with the rice pudding your mother-in-law loves even though you know she is still going to undermine your cooking abilities.

If you, like many, have just come out of a bad relationship and find yourself spending Christmas alone, please refrain from any and all soppy romantic films that further re-enforce your lonely state i.e The Notebook, Casablanca or A Walk To Remember. The last thing you want is for everyone to return only to find you sporting a pink cotton gown and Uggs, with the remote control still clasped in your cold dead hand in a collapsed heap bought on by a broken heart as your nine cats circle your lifeless body.

As far as gifts go, socks, soap on a rope, frames and re-gifting are a big no no!

Do not under any circumstance over-indulge financially or gastronomically because come January, reckless spending and gluttony are not going to pay the bills or seem like a fair trade off for the kilos you have accumulated from all the malva pudding, spotted dick and sticky toffee pudding you gorged on Christmas day.

If you have any children below the ages of six, please refrain from accidentally letting slip that Santa Clause isn’t real. We live in such a fast paced world that applauds precocious behaviour, so try and preserve that innocence for as long as you can.

Every year as people go off to their respective holiday destinations, animals are often the ones left behind so please ensure there is someone there to feed and play with them.

Lastly, whether your main dish of choice is turkey, leg of lamb or gammon when cooking please ensure that you actually switch the oven on or on the flip side try and not burn the dish because come Christmas day, nobody likes under cooked bird or charred meat.