Shedding light on domestic violence
PARKWOOD - Domestic abuse is not limited to a particular social class or racial group.
The murder-suicide which occurred at Parkview Police Station on 6 January sent shock waves through the local community, drawing attention to issues relating to domestic abuse.
The Family Life Centre, based in Parkwood, is an organisation that offers support for a wide range of relationship challenges and various life difficulties.
The experts at the centre discussed prominent legal and social issues surrounding domestic abuse.
Counselling psychologist Karen Moross specialises in family therapy and elaborated on the general stigma surrounding domestic abuse.
“Abuse is essentially about control. The victim’s self-worth and sense of well-being becomes diminished and shattered. [They often experience a] sense of worthlessness, helplessness and loss of self-esteem” said Maross.
Moross explained a cycle of abuse that commonly occurs. She stated that the abusing partner often attempts to perpetrate acts of control and dominance over the victim, emphasising that abusive behaviour is not necessarily physical.
“It is not just about a black eye, but may often prevent their victim from making adult choices as they look to assert control. Iit may include] withholding and sabotaging behaviour,” she said.
Moross explained that aspects of psychological and emotional abuse are broad and can range from verbal belittling, extreme suspicion, to withholding possessions (clothes or money) from the victim.
After acts of abuse (physical, emotional or psychological) the abuser does sometimes express guilt, and often resorts to apologetic or blameful excuses to explain their behaviour.
This is commonly followed by a peaceful phase that misleads the victim into thinking that the abuser has changed or will change his or her behaviour until another definitive incident erupts again, leading back into the cycle of abuse.
Moross spoke about some common myths surrounding domestic abuse. Society sometimes attributes domestic abuse as a lower class problem, and that the abuser is always male.
“It might have something to do with the way we are socialised” she said. “There is a lot of stigma associated with it; it’s like a hidden secret; people feel ashamed about it.”
When friends or family wish to approach someone they suspect are in an abusive relationship, Moross emphasised that it needs to come from a non-judgemental and empathetic point of view.
Lawyer and mediator on family law issues at the centre, Samantha Ngcolomba, explained that victims have the right to file a protection order against their abusers if they feel threatened.
“The police can’t do anything in domestic abuse cases until a charge is laid,” said Ngcolomba.
She stated that the complainant/victim has more power than they realise, and can define the parameters of a protection order.
“[For example] if the complainant knows that their abuser has a firearm, they can have their abuser dispossessed of that firearm in a protection order,” she said. “However, the law can only do so much,” she said.
Both Moross and Ngcolomba indicated that it is up to the victim to first recognise the abuse before they take steps towards leaving their abusive partner.
Details: 011 788 4784; famlife@iafrica.com
