Educational psychologist discusses alternative forms of discipline

In response to the recent ruling outlawing parents from administering physical punishment to children, the Gazette spoke to educational psychologist Claudia Abelheim of the Family Life Centre about alternative methods of discipline.

Abelheim said she did not like to use the word ‘discipline’ because of the problematic idea that parents see themselves as superior to their children. She prefers to teach children that bad actions have consequences.

“Many prevalent cultures in South Africa are patriarchal, with power dynamics that mean that children do not enjoy equal rights to those of adults. This results in parents believing that they have the right to physically discipline their children,” said Abelheim.

She said the problem with administering physical discipline was that there was no connection between the wrong behaviour of the child and the consequences for their actions. “When children misbehave, it is an opportunity for them to learn and connect their actions to consequences.”

She further explained that physical discipline gave children a confusing message that condoned physical violence and aggression and displayed poor parental modelling behaviour.

“There is no handbook for parents. It is very difficult to teach parents about discipline,” she said, adding that the Family Life Centre offers a number of courses teaching parents how to appropriately discipline their children based on their age.

“Parents who want to continue to physically discipline their children despite the law change must think carefully about why this law has been implemented. If you defy the law, what are you teaching your children?”

Abelheim explained that parents needed to have discussions with their children about why their behaviour was wrong and connect consequences to behaviour. According to Abelheim, this might mean removing TV privileges from a two-year-old or reducing the amount of time teenagers were allowed on their phones.

She gave the example of teenage boys from Durban who sent anti-Semitic messages to a girl. She said the school took the boys to meet with a Holocaust survivor and educated the boys at the Holocaust museum. “This is a good method of showing the boys that their behaviour has real consequences and educating them so that they can change.”

Parents are encouraged to contact Family Life Centre and sign up for courses on toddler training, parenting teenagers or one-on-one parenting counselling.

Details: training@familylife.co.za

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