“Dancing has been described as the language of the heart,” Pastor Chucks Ugoihe says as he talks about his new book, Love is a dance.
Pastor Chucks is the lead pastor at the Resurrection Life Church and a relationships expert. In his book Love is a dance, Shall we dance he unveils principles of building successful marriages, using the art of dancing and dance steps. “I believe dancing has the ability to express human spirit, every step move, twist and turn sends a message and the entire dance tells a story.”
He added that when two people are dancing, there is a significant amount of trust required to make the dance work, and even enjoyable trust plays a crucial, critical and important role if the dance is going to be great – trust is one of the most important words in marriages or relationships.
“You cannot have a meaningful relationship if you do not trust the person you are in a relationship with. All relationships begin with trust. When trust is solid and strong, the relationship is desirable and enjoyable. But once trust is eroded, there is no longer anything left of the relationship,” Pastor Chucks said.
Principles of dance
● There are many different types of dance – hip-hop, ballet, tango, jive, salsa African, Brazilian – each unique and different in its style, flow and repertoire. So too are relationships. Each is unique. Each is different.
You cannot use the flow, sequence or style of one dance form to judge or compare with another dance form. Neither can you equate the tempo, arrangement or style of one relationship with another. Just as ballet is different from tango, requiring different moves to make the dance flow, every relationship should have an approach that is appropriate to it. There is a great need for people to accept what kind their relationship is and not compare it to the next one or judge the next one if it’s different from theirs.
● Sometimes, you need a choreographer to show you how to dance properly. Just like you need mentors to guide you in relationships. Great mentors demonstrate and teach the right principles to build relationships by and on. Every relationship needs a few great mentors and role models to learn from and grow. Couples need to find themselves great mentors and role models who guide and teach them how to build and enhance their relationship.
● Certain dances require the concept of ‘leader’ and ‘follower’ for the dance to happen enjoyably and seamlessly. So too with relationships. Indeed, God has ordained the man to be the head and leader in the marriage relationship and the woman the helper and follower. This divine order makes for stress-less relationships when both man and woman clearly understand their unique and differing roles in the relationship.
● Sometimes we miss our steps, we step on each others toes. Sometimes we even twist an ankle, making the dance painful and awkward or we suffer a ‘wardrobe malfunction’ and feel that we simply cannot go on dancing without the ‘right’ attire. ‘Stuff’ happens but the dance must go on regardless. ‘Stuff’ happens too in relationships but like missing a step or awkward moment, we can dance over that hump and keep going. Forgiveness and tolerance are critical virtues that keep relationships going when ‘stuff’ inevitably happens as it would.
● According to an African proverb, When the music changes, so does the dance. Sometimes we slow dance and sometimes we ‘fast dance’. We have to know when the music changes and adjust accordingly. Otherwise, the dance becomes awkward. Life changes tempo and beat all the time, requiring our relationships to adapt to the new beat. Every relationship that will survive, thrive and indeed flourish will need to master the art of adjustment.
● The marriage relationship can be a very long dance. You learn as you go. You get better as you go. You don’t quit. Relationships require continuous efforts and unwavering commitment from both partners in order for them to last. Continuous investment into the relationship from both sides keeps it alive and strong as time passes.
