Free paint jobs for all taxis

It’s no secret I abhor traffic and will go to extremes to avoid it. I’d rather stay at work for two hours longer than sit bumper to bumper with other petrol guzzlers. Great for my boss but not so awesome for me.

The only thing I hate more than traffic is taxis. The vehicles are little more than mobile coffins driven by grim reapers. I never cease to be amazed at their reckless driving and utter disregard for the law – or indeed the lives of their passengers or fellow motorists.

They have no problem travelling in the wrong lanes, going through red traffic lights, cutting people off, crossing over multiple lanes or islands without any warning and, probably the most frustrating, abruptly stopping in the middle of nowhere to drop off or pick up another victim. Especially when it’s 20m before an actual bus stop where there’s space for them to pull over without disrupting the flow of traffic.

Falling victim to their abuse one too many times I came up with a wonderful idea. It’s not going to resolve the problem but it will make me, and no doubt a number of other motorists, feel a hell of a lot better.

Paintball guns! If motorists mount paintball guns onto their vehicles we can start a citywide competition. Motorists would be required to register for their unique colour to receive their ammunition. The rules would be simple. Whenever you came across a taxi disobeying the law or driving recklessly you would open fire.

While this wouldn’t in any way resolve the problem it should successfully diminish, and possibly even dissolve, the pent up hostility one feels towards the drivers. It would also be fascinating to see which taxis receive the most extensive ‘paint job’ and how many you find yourself splattering on a recurring basis. And let’s face it, the death traps could use a little more colour.

I’m still ironing out the wrinkles, like how we get enough colours for everyone and who should be licenced to fit the paintball guns to our vehicles. Let me know if you have any good suggestions.