Kritiek Aster — Premiére

Olivetti 45 — This is how I say farewell to November, with a forlorn feeling as I attend one last exciting event before the seemingly gloomy and doom-like December. I am not a festive person, but anyone can get excited about an exclusive film première at the newly-revealed mall, right?

Astertjie thought that as I got in my car and drove over through every section of parking until I got to the top lot, the perfect position for my vehicle. Right at the entrance. Enter, I think to myself, smile and socialise. How often do you meet some celebs on a Wednesday afternoon? Then again, how glamorous can it be? We are on the West Rand, after all (sies, Astertjie). I dressed specially this morning, and my new fail-to-be-purple bangs were in place, make-up done to a tee. Take the glass elevator up. I hate heights, but I close my eyes.

Enter the lobby of the cinema. “Hi, how are you? Which media group are you from? Here’s your name tag and gift bag. Have some champagne.”

Sparkling wine, not champagne, love. What happened to etiquette? My gran taught me that when you’re invited, always wear black – you don’t know what it’ll be like and who the people are, and black always looks formal. Check. But my dress was the only dress as journalists walked around in jeans, T-shirts and sandals. Here and there an editor attempted formal wear. Chicken kebabs, a veggie platter with dip, meaty snacks and salmon pancakes? Salmon pancakes … way too sweet to appreciate the salmon in it. I found a group of familiar people and sat down awkwardly between a journalist informally interviewing one of the stars of the show.

However, the cinema blew me away. It was exactly as Mister Cinema explained in his speech before the show commenced. “Cinema has a certain magic, and we’ll ruin ordinary movies for you tonight.” State-of-the-art sound, state-of-the-art picture that is cast on a slightly curved wall to give that three-dimensional effect. Popcorn and Coke at the ready, next to your recliner seats; forget the queue. Lovely.

What was supposed to be a formal, exciting, networking event turned into a laid-back (literally) late afternoon, shrieking with laughter at the ridiculous Schuster Gupta. He captured the hilarity of e-tolls, metro police and Afrikaans moerigheid perfectly.

These have-some-free-stuff glasses didn’t look bad the next day either.