Christmas crackers are just as traditional as the tree; you’re unlikely to see one household without a box of them during the festive season.
The thrill of pulling a cracker will never wear off, no one really keeps the toys but it is still fun to hear the bang and get a little gift. The one thing about Christmas crackers that everyone loves to hate is the absolutely terrible jokes.
Christmas cracker jokes are just too bad not to like, so the Record has made a list of the 20 best/worst Christmas cracker jokes ever.
1. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
2. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
3. What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?
Santa going through a revolving door!
4. What goes Ho, Ho, Ho, thump?
Santa laughing his head off!
5. Who is Santa’s favourite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
6. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
7. What’s the most popular Christmas wine?
‘I don’t like Brussels sprouts!’
8. What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes, “Ribbet ribbet”?
Mistle-toad!
9. What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet!
10. What do you call a train loaded with toffee?
A chew-chew train!
11. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had no body to go with!
12. What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days!
13. What is the best Christmas present?
A broken drum – you can’t beat it!
14. What do you call a blind reindeer?
No eye deer!
15. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited?
He keeps a log book!
16. Why is Mrs Claus always checking Santa’s phone?
He seems to know where all the naughty girls live.
17. Why did Santa’s little helper go in for counselling?
He suffered from low elf esteem!
18. How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey?
On the dark side!
19. Why is it getting so hard to buy advent calendars?
Their days are numbered!
20. Why does your nose get tired in winter?
It runs all day!
