Lockdown: Assisting your child during a time of uncertainty and insecurity
Review spoke to Susan van der Merwe, a counselling psychologist and educational psychologist about how to help your child in these times.
POLOKWANE – Due to the nationwide lockdown, home-schooling has become the order of the day.
Parents are usually better in coping with sudden changes in a routine, while this might not necessarily be the case for children. Your five-year-old is lonely or frustrated and starts acting out or having temper tantrums without any apparent reason.
Review spoke to Susan van der Merwe, a counselling psychologist and educational psychologist about how to help your child in these times.
“Some children are sensitive and have an anxious temperament. These children are challenged when they experience changes in their environment. “In these days their environments have changed very much because they do not have the same routines as they are used to. “Routines bring a feeling of safety and when a child feels unsafe, he or she becomes anxious.”
Parents might confuse anger, tantrums and meltdowns with anxiety.
Van der Merwe explains this must never be seen as naughty behaviour as the child’s brain is in distress. “For children with anxiety, any situation that is new, unfamiliar and difficult, is a potential threat. The fight or flight response happens automatically and instantaneously, sending neurochemicals surging through their bodies, priming them for fight or flight and this is when we see a meltdown. “
In these days parents also become anxious as they worry about many things such as financial security.
“When parents are stressed, they tend to speak in a loud harsh voice and that contributes to the child’s anxiety. Children feel the anxiety of their parents.”
Other reasons for a meltdown include hunger, tiredness and too much sugar in the diet. Sometimes parents are not zoomed in on the needs of their children because they did not have the luxury of spending all day in their company.Van der Merwe explains parents working from home and also taking care of their children, are very challenged.
“The more we bring empathy, compassion and warmth to the caring of the child, the more safety the child experiences.
“Greater safety gives the ability to the child to regulate his emotions. Every parent becomes upset when their child is upset like in a meltdown. The tone of the voice is very important to create safety.”
A good way to help a child feel safe is to take the child on your lap and rock him. In rocking, there is a deep sense of safety.
“Getting mad and shouting at the child who has a meltdown is like throwing grease on fire. “It is very good for people to use ways to calm themselves such as breathing exercises.”
