POLOKWANE – “We thank God that He took us through the journey and that He never left us nor forsake us as He promised in His word,” he said.
It was a very tough and emotional time for us as a family. As a man I had to remain strong, my wife’s emotional state was bad, for her sake and our two girls I had to be. After the passing of our five babies (miscarriages and ectopic pregnancy) we were even closer as a couple. We realised that we won’t be able to survive as a couple if we don’t draw nearer to God.
There were days that my wife was so down that I had to be strong, though I was also going through the process of mourning. What I realised is that people forget that we as the fathers are also hurting and it’s a painful experience. I guess it’s the way we grew up and the saying “Tigers (Man)don’t cry ” that cause others to expect u to be strong. I realised crying is not showing that you weak but allowing yourself to go through the mourning and healing process.
I remember days that I was at work as a Forensic Investigator at ABSA Bank, that my wife would call me and say the baby hasn’t been moving for the day when we were expecting Othniel. ..Sjo it was tough, and I would patiently try and calm her down and explain to her that everything is going to be ok, she mustn’t allow the past to cloud the present. This happened almost every day.
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Many times she would ask me “Daddy, don’t you think it happened because I did or didn’t do that”? I realised it was that of trying to blame something and even herself for what had happened . It’s easy for us to say God is in control when we not faced with anything at that time. When you are faced with the loss of loved ones, you don’t say Lord you are in control, it changed to Lord why us, Lord how could you allow it to happen to us?
It’s almost as if you can’t see reason to blame yourself, you will look for reason to blame someone else even if it has to be God. It’s that sense of wanting to know and not have this hundreds of questions as to why it happened?
We thank God for our beautiful girls, I remember with the first miscarriage, our first born Jade, realised that the baby was no longer and she asked how could God give us a baby and take the baby away from us? Now it sounds like a easy question but back than it was so difficult to answer it and many others that followed.
Love is not based on what you have, it’s based on one thing, love. You love your partner at all times, the good, the bad, the jolly, the painful times. You love each other when there is plenty and when there is nothing. You love even when the enemy want to try and show you there’s no reason to love – this I have realised as a born again husband. Yes, there’s a lot of questions but God makes it so easy to accept. Our love has grown stronger through it all and it’s still growing strong.
Advice we got from a pastor friend(Don Makhumbane), that we have to draw nearer to each other, was excellent advice. We still holding on to it and it has build our relationship with God stronger as a couple. We prayed together, loved each other, believed together, cried together and in it all God was our centre.
He replaced our crying with laughing, our mourning into dancing.
Advice from me to other fathers and husbands, listen to her, comfort her, be patient with her, encourage her, love her and put God first in everything. To your kids, spend time with them, care for them, love them and grow them in the ways of God. “They appreciate your presence more than your presents”.
Four kids in today’s time might sound like a lot and at times seems like a lot but because of the way God is guiding us to raise them, we see them all as blessings.
Jade Neleh Whitehead, Tatum Catherine Whitehead, Othniel Wiilliam Whitehead ,Uriel Patrick Whitehead, Remember always daddy loves you and to my wife “Vroutjie” I love and appreciate you. God gave me His best when He blessed me with you all.
