POLOKWANE – Domestic violence can be scarring and abusers often tend to have control over their victims. Maphuti Mashiane, a registered counsellor explained that victims of abuse often have different levels of willpower and ‘strength’, hence it takes varying amounts of time for people to leave an abusive relationship.
Read more: Domestic violence can take many forms, read about them here
“For one to leave a toxic abusive relationship, it is highly recommended that one seeks help from professionals because they can always give an unbiased opinion and perspective of your relationship or situation and how to remove yourself from that situation. You can find that some situations or relationships requires the law to step in to assist a person i.e a restraining order may be needed if the abuser does not want you to accept that the relationship is ending,” he said.
Mashiane emphasised the importance of professional assistance because some cultures and traditions have a way of making the victim feel bad for wanting or thinking of leaving the relationship. Also, abusers tend to destroy their victim’s self confidence, self esteem and make that they feel secure only around them. “The abuser, abuses the victim psychologically to an extent that the victim no longer believes in themselves or their decision making. Again, that’s why its highly recommended that they seek professional help,” he added.
Abusers also tend to be smart about how they abuse their victims, acting like everything is fine in public but lash out when their victim is alone with them. “The perpetrators of domestic abuse usually know where to direct their violence so that it is not obvious, although there are those who act out in a fit of rage, many physically violent abusers carefully aim their kicks and punches where the bruises and marks won’t be obvious,” he said.
Another things to note is that victims make excuses for their abusers and he shared that abusive partners are good at manipulation and are able to make their partners feel like they are at fault. Abusers are good at shifting blame. It also important to remember that how a person reacts to a situation is up to them, there are different ways to deal with situations, violence is never the answer.
