Debt: the silent relationship killer

It is February and South Africans cannot help but to get excited about love and romance at this time of year. While many will say, a secret lover is the silent killer of any relationships, there is another, more detrimental factor that could wreak havoc in a relationship; that’s debt.

When you hear the word Valentine’s you think of red roses, candle lit dinners and chocolate hearts and you would think that nothing can come between you and your loved one.

“These days more and more romantic relationships are on the edge because of debt’s sly interference. Relationships need constant attention and care. And when ignored, debt can easily come between you and your partner causing conflict and arguments. It can, and has, led to the end of many relationships,” explain Wikus Olivier, debt management expert at DebtSafe.

He explains how debt can test and hurt your relationship:

• Overspending by a partner – buying more than what the couple can afford.
• A partner being declared bankrupt – for partners who are married in Community of Property, for example, this can have major consequences.
• Putting your loved one’s savings in harm’s way – by partners having access to each other’s accounts or by having a communal account.
• A lack of communication – by having conflicting views on money or finance management.
• One or both partners not taking on any responsibility – having no budget or emergency fund.
• Planning for a wedding or having kids – your debt pile is adding up and one partner wants to put the brakes on spending to clear debt first, while the other desperately wants to continue with life’s major cycles.

Thankfully, these issues do not have to mean the end of an otherwise healthy relationship. “There are things that you can do to overcome your debt-caused relationship problems,” says Olivier.

Here are his five debt-survival tips:

Budget, budget, budget

If, by now, you still don’t have a budget, get on it. A budget gives you clarity on what your finances look like and it also sets up a sense of responsibility on the consumer’s part to stick to it. You can also have a look at your bank statement at the end of each month to see where you can improve your cash flow and where you can cut back on certain unnecessary expenses.

Become more independent

Olivier says it is not the ideal situation if you and your partner only have a joint bank account. He says it can happen that one partner gets a bit carried away and may take advantage of the situation. Although it is not always the case – it can happen. Having separate accounts is the better option.

Don’t hesitate, communicate

Communication is the key to finding the balance between two people’s worlds or perspectives. Communication involves exchanging words, listening skills and action. By communicating about your finances, you can stand in your partner’s shoes and see things from his or her point of view. It also encourages compromise from both parties (when choices need to be made). This is not necessarily a bad thing, it brings couples together and makes the relationship stronger.

Own up

If you have let your debt spiral out of control, admit it. There are various ways to get the assistance you need. Talk to a financial planner and do some homework to take on a new journey with your preferred debt counsellor.

If you can – save

Olivier says it is always wise to have an emergency fund tucked away. Other professionals say that three to six times your salary should be put away. The six months sounds a bit hectic but it is worth a try to start saving around every corner. By getting unnecessary spending leaks out of the way and by keeping an eye on your budget, you can slowly start better financial habits. Remember it is always better to start saving sooner rather than later.

“February is the month of love and romance. Don’t let your Valentine get away by allowing debt to have any effect on your relationship. Get rid of the silent culprit in your relationship once and for all. Shove debt out of the way with these debt-survival guidelines,” Olivier concludes.