Abused? There is a way out, says social worker
Gender-based violence, the president recently said, is currently the country’s second pandemic after Covid-19.
POLOKWANE – She walks around with a big smile, saying all is well. She wears winter clothes in summer and ascribes the occasional marks on her body on an ‘accident’. No one would know her truth just by looking at her.
With an increase in prevalence, President Cyril Ramaphosa recently stated that gender-based violence (GBV) is currently South Africa’s second pandemic. Review spoke to Lorette Bosch, a social worker at the Polokwane Child and Family Welfare about the types of abuse.
Typically, abuse has the following phases:
- Honeymoon phase: The abuser creates a safe space filled with love and a sense of security in the relationship.
- Tension-building phase: The tension within the relationship is increasing and silent treatment is part of the relationship.
- Explosive phase: Here it is the verbal, emotional, sexual and physical abuse.
- After this, it will be the honeymoon phase again as the abuser will become the person the victim fell in love with.
On warning signs of abuse, Bosch says a big flag is the need to control a person and everything a partner does. This, she says, includes what the victim wears, who she can talk to and what she may do or not do, as well as checking the victim’s phone, emails and messages.
Another warning sign is extreme jealously. According to Bosch, the abuser will try to isolate the victim from her support system so that she feels she has no one and is totally dependent on the abuser.
“Women who are abused don’t come forward because of various reasons including that no one would believe or help her. She fears her children will be taken from her and that the abuser will also threaten to take the children if she wants to leave,” she said.
Bosch added that women often develop a co-dependency on the male partner, believing she needs him and he needs her. “She often believes there is no way out, when in fact, there is. If you need protection, the police can assist you in obtaining a restraining order from the magistrate’s office, while a shelter for vulnerable women/children is another option. There is always a way out,” she said.
