LETTER: Subliminal bullying: ‘Enough is enough’, says mother

• Anonymous resident writes:

When we think of bullying we think of kids pushing kids, punches being handed out, dustbin dumps, toilet flushing, you know the stuff of movies? Well, there is a different kind of bullying which is so damaging, that sometimes, you think you might be going crazy.

From the Global Health Estimates report, South Africa has the third-highest suicide rate out of all African countries at 23.5 per 100 000 population. Nine percent are teenagers. Think about it.

Also read: Why bullying should be taken seriously

Recently, I had to see my daughter crumble under the pressure of subliminal bullying! Yes. It has a name. Subliminal bullying.
These are tactics of narcissistic proportions and young children mimic their parents of course, and it comes in many shapes and sizes and ages.

Here are the signs:

1. The little bully telling their parents that your child is consistently physically hurting them, behaving derogatory towards them, stealing friends and boyfriends, and going as far as turning teachers against them – when in fact, it is another little friend with whom the parents are house friends and 100% of the claim is not even true.

2. Spreading rumours about weight, Satanism, and sexual exploits when the bullied child doesn’t even have any of that in their life, of course – and this is also spread by the parent of the bully.

3. The bully’s parents go to other parents of your child’s friends and spread lies and rumours among them – with no consideration for facts or evidence of course – because their little “angels” could never actually be deceiving.

4. Isolating the bullied child to such a point that they want to kill themselves.

5. The bullied child was a top 10 learner and is now, of course, bordering on failing.

Wash, rinse and repeat… Do you see a pattern here?

Also read: Four types of bullying all parents need to know about

So, here in my case, this has been happening for three years. To the point where the parents of this bully tried to convince the school my child was a liar and such a vicious, aggressive child, but only at the aftercare of course, leaving her child with physical scars, and then turning to the aftercare, and making claims that the previously stated happens at the school and not at the aftercare. Makes you wonder where the child learned their behavior, right? No actual evidence can be found that my child has done any of this…

What did I do as my child’s mother? I went to the school, I brought the evidence, and I made it clear that if the bully is not kept away from my child at the school, I would be taking it further. For example, opening an assault and defamation case against the bully and her parents on behalf of my minor child. Also, demanded my child be moved to a class where she can trust the teacher and her peers to get back to her collective schooling. And finally, I have taken my child to see a therapist. I took my child’s phone and dumped all the messages into a safe space. Blocked those children off all her social media, and made certain the parents were aware this was done.

Also read: Cyberbullying: Tips For Protecting Your Your Children

To this day, no meetings from the school were called where these parents have met with me to discuss the bullying, but I am patient. I am letting the school system work.

Mothers and fathers, you should know your children. Do not let them become a statistic for teen suicide because there are mothers, yes I said it, mothers out there that will go ‘cheerleader’ mom on your kid to make a point. There are classic signs, don’t ignore them.

Watching our children succumb to other children being groomed to walk over people to get what they want is heartbreaking. Good parenting is not prying on your child’s ‘private’ life, but being aware that they are evolving and developing.

Grow a nation of children that can stand up and say enough, not a nation that will kill each other through words.