Healthy attachments between parents and kids
I often encounter concerned parents who feel the need to find help for their children who are misbehaving in some or other way.
Dear Herald readers.
In practice I often encounter concerned parents who feel the need to find help for their children who are misbehaving in some or other way.
Often parents are concerned by complaints received from their children’s schools that relate to the child’s anti-social behaviour during school hours.
Parents are regularly unable to identify any possible factors that could be contributing to their child’s problematic behaviour and feel motivated to seek professional assistance.
Due to the disruption caused by the child, the focus is often shifted to the child, with the expectation that the solution lies in remedies aimed at him or her.
A very common phenomenon found among school children in South Africa is that a child’s disruptive behaviour is easily (and incorrectly) attributed to a childhood disorder called ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).
Sadly, it often happens that little attention is directed at the family system from which the child originates and where he learns his social behaviour.
Consequently, children presenting challenging behaviour can possibly be misdiagnosed and treated for a problem that actually originates in the family home.
Attachment theories tell us that the majority of a child’s behaviour can be explained by paying attention to the relationship that exists between a parent and a child.
Attachment, according to the literature, is the emotional bond established between a child and a caregiver in the first several years of life.
It profoundly influences every component of the human condition – mind, body, emotions, relationships and values. Attachment is not something that parents do to their children; it is something that children and parents create together, in an ongoing, reciprocal relationship.
A secure attachment with a responsive caretaker/parent provides a “secure base” from which infants and children can explore their environment and learn social behaviour.
It also helps the child to build a sense of trust in other people and to develop optimally on an emotional level.
Research has shown that children who do not have secure relationships with their parents can potentially display an array of behavioural problems that can easily be mistaken for childhood mental health disorders.
Next week I will discuss the different forms of non-secure relationships that can be found among children and parents who are experiencing challenges in their family home.
Please share your questions or comments relating to your relationship with your child by sending an e-mail to SandriAppelgryn@gmail.com.
