For almost 18 years, *Katlego from Toekomsrus had to live in fear of her partner not only because of his physical abuse but psychological abuse as well. Now, having ended that relationship, she is finally free.
Katlego explained five years ago she decided that an abusive relationship is no life and she eventually kicked her partner out of the house.
Before that, she had to endure constant physical and mental abuse. On a Thursday her partner would start drinking and continue until Sunday, during the time he was drinking he would look for any excuse to start a fight.
He was controlling and jealous and many times he would accuse her of hiding people she was having affairs with, in the house. She was not allowed to attend church because he would ask her who she was dressing up for. She recounted an incident where she was backed up against the wall and he was kicking her and stepping on her face with safety boots on.
She noted her partner was the breadwinner and she was unemployed. Together they had one son. She often asked herself why she was staying in that situation and if it was worth it.
“My son had to grow up in that environment but I did everything I could to teach him that is not how you treat another person, it is not right. That is not what life is.”
She added her partner was a large man and she could not overpower him. She ran to the police station many times to get help only to find it was closed. She found a safe place in the Victim Friendly Room, however, she feared becoming a statistic of domestic violence.
She realised her partner was going to kill her if he continued his abuse and she had to put an end to it.
She then told her partner to get out of her house and if he didn’t leave, she would bring the police to kick him out because even though he was the breadwinner, it was still her house.
“He finally left, I am not sure whether it was the threat of the police that made the difference, but he left. Even though he took some of my belongings with him, it didn’t matter, we were finally free.”
She found a job at a school and took care of herself and her child.
“We didn’t have much but I can say there wasn’t one night where we went to sleep without food.”
She remembered their first Christmas together, she couldn’t buy her son the name-brand clothes his father used to buy him and she thought he would be disappointed, but he just said thank you. With tears in her eyes, she asked him why he wasn’t disappointed and he replied ‘mommy tried’.
These days she lives out her passion by selling biscuits and other goods. She no longer woke up stressed and was able to put on some healthy weight. She stated she has since forgiven herself and her partner.
“That I got out was just a gift from God. He is alive and he hears us. He carried me through that difficult time, many bad things could’ve happened.”
For three years, she has been in a happy relationship with a man she met at church. Her priorities are now her faith, child and family.
*Pseudonym used for safety reasons.
