With the high rates of gender-based violence in communities across the country, People Opposing Women Abuse (POWA) speaks about the various forms of abuse and how victims can get help.
In Rand West City, security company EPR and police reported on several incidents related to some form of abuse last week alone.
On September 6, EPR reported an incident of domestic violence in Culemborg Park, while police arrested 11 people for domestic violence during an Operation Okae Molao in Randfontein on Thursday September 9. In addition, six people were arrested for rape, and one person for committing another sexual offence.
What is abuse?
Abuse is any form of behaviour that controls another person, causes physical harm or fear, makes someone do things they do not want to do, or prevents them from doing things they want to do. Abuse can be emotional, physical, sexual and financial. Abused women usually experience multiple forms of abuse. Abuse is not and never is okay
Forms of abuse:
Physical abuse includes:
• Slapping, punching, hitting, kicking, shoving, scratching, biting, throwing things at you
• Threatening or attacking you with an object
• Locking you in or out of the house or abandoning you in a dangerous place
• Refusing to help you when you are sick, injured or pregnant
Sexual abuse includes:
• Making you wear clothes or perform sexual acts that make you uncomfortable
• Pressuring or forcing you to perform sexual acts that you do not want to do
• Having sex with you when you don’t want to
• Forcing you to have sex with other people
• Forcing you to observe other people having sex
Emotional abuse includes:
• Insulting you
• Making you feel stupid or worthless
• Ridiculing your beliefs
• Humiliating you in public or private
• Ignoring you
• Intimidating or harassing you
• Being overly jealous or possessive
• Cheating/having extra-marital affairs
• Accusing you of infidelity without good reason
• Isolating you from your family or friends
• Preventing you from going to work or school
• Attacking your children or pets
• Threatening to kill you, leave you or throw you out
• The perpetrator threatening to kill himself if you leave
Financial abuse includes:
• Taking or spending your money
• Preventing you from having a job
• Taking or destroying your possessions
• Spending most of the money on himself or giving you a very small allowance
• Expecting you to account for every cent or do more with the money than is possible
• Refusing to give you information about your joint financial situation
The cycle of violence
An abuser usually goes through three clear repeating stages in his behaviour. This cycle of violence is important in keeping the woman in the relationship because the abuser is both kind and abusive.
1. Tension-building stage:
An event occurs that leads to tension building. It can be arguments for whatever reason.
2. Abusive stage:
The abuse escalates, verbally, emotionally, physically and sexually. The incident can last minutes or days.
3. ‘Honeymoon stage’: The abuser apologises, proclaims love, buys gifts to win her. He promises that he will never do it again, and often the abused forgives.
As the relationship progresses, the abusive stage usually becomes more severe and the cycle gets shorter, making the abusers never enter the ‘honeymoon stage’. They never feel sorry about their behaviour.
If you or someone you know is being abused you can contact People Opposing Women Abuse (POWA) for counselling, which is free of charge, on 011 642 4345/6, email counselling@powa.co.za or send a DM to POWA’s Facebook, Twitter or Instagram pages. You can also call the Gender-Based Violence Command Centre on 0800 428 428 or the Stop Gender Violence Helpline on 0800 150 150 which are free of charge and available 24 hours, seven days a week.
For more information on POWA, visit: www.powa.co.za.
