Tovhowani: ‘I’m gay and proud of it’
Tovhowani Makondo said she is gay and proud of it.
Many insults were hurled at Tovhowani Makondo for being gay while growing up, but besides being ridiculed, shamed and even attacked, Tovhowani, now 26, said she will forever be gay and proud.
While she was raised in a conservative community in a Venda village, Tovhowani said not only was she discriminated against by strangers, but she also suffered abuse for her sexuality at the hands of her family.
When I eventually told them that I was gay, my family did not know what was going on. They thought that I was cursed,” Tovhowani said.Â
She said she became aware that she was gay at the age of nine years, and wanted to live freely. Instead, all she has done is defend her sexuality, while people poked fun at her.
“I used tell people that being gay is not any kind of sickness, but just the way I was born.”
What was most puzzling to her was the anger that was expressed by her parents towards her. She said she suffered a great deal of abuse from her father. As a result, she said she suffered from bouts of depression, and spent eight months in hospital. In another incident, she said she was stabbed by members of her community, for being a homosexual.
All these experiences made Tovhowani want to be secluded from the public.
I disliked people, and I never thought that I would associate myself with anyone. Things were very hard for me because I have always been treated differently.
“I remember I had to walk a long distance to school, while all my siblings were given taxi fares.” She said sometimes she would walk in heavy rain to schools, and still face the bullying when she arrived.
Since then she has realised that the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Intersex (LGBTI) community is living under the constant fear of abuse.
“What scared me the most was that they were suffering in silence. I felt someone had to speak,” she said.
Tovhowani said homophobia is one of the biggest problems, because people cannot live their lives freely, and be true to themselves.
Most of them are not willing to come out, they are scared that they will be humiliated, or in some cases, they can end up being raped or even killed for being gay.”Â
Since moving to Randfontein in 2017, Tovhowani has found refuge at the Men’s Shelter, near the Carroll Shaw Memorial Centre in Brandvlei. She said she will do whatever she can to make sure that LGBTI people are given the right to live freely.
“What I want to see is people taking a stance against the abuse, those who are being abused need to also speak out, so that the gay community can live freely without being prejudiced,” she added.
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