Schedule your shared custody this festive season

“Holidays are a time for family fun and togetherness, but it can also be a time of strife and unhappiness if divorced or separated parents have shared custody of their children.”

This is according to Yusuf Boda who heads up the Legal Department at Legal and Tax.

Yusuf says that if you are a divorced or separated parent, think first about your children’s rights, happiness and emotional needs, setting aside your own emotions, which may often be irrational when you’re in the midst of a fight with your partner about your children.

“You and your partner should try to negotiate an agreement about how you will share your child’s time long before schools break up,” says Yusuf.

Reality is though that circumstances don’t always allow for communication well in advance, however, when you are both ready to make reasonable compromises, you can avoid family feuds and unhappiness, not to mention unnecessary tension within the family or unpleasant and expensive visit to the courts.

To understand your child custody and visitation rights, the first document you should consult is the parental plan that you and your ex-partner would have reached when you formally concluded your separation. This court order will set out the arrangements for child custody, including the sharing of the children’s holiday time.

“If you are just in the process of getting separated, it is a good idea to think about how you and your ex will share the child’s birthday and holidays as you draft the parental plan,” he adds.

Find something that works for everyone – you might decide that each of you might want to have the child for a few days or alternate between weeks during holidays.

The agreement should be realistic, as well as fair to everyone. Try to avoid agreements where the child spends more time every school holiday season in a car or plane travelling than enjoying the company of his or her family.

“If you and your ex decide to change the details of the parental plan for any reason, you should record the changes in writing and perhaps even ask an attorney to review them. This will avoid later disputes and set a pattern of give and take that will be better for everyone in the long term,” says Yusuf.

So what can you do if your ex is unwilling to be reasonable in sharing the child’s holiday time with you? Then you must point him or her to the court order.

If your former spouse breaks the terms of your child visitation schedule and will not compromise, you should contact an attorney for help in enforcing the agreement.

Though the holidays can be fraught with stress and hurt for the family after the breakup of a marriage or family life, clear-headed communication can help avoid unnecessary legal complications and the pain they can cause. Things might not be the same as when the whole family was together, but you can create new traditions and a pattern of fairness and sharing that ensure happy holidays for all.