Brian Charlebois of Flynn Estates writes:
After many years explaining offer-to-purchase documents, I have learned quite a bit of legalese.
At the same time, I have learned to understand and translate what is often called agent-speak. This is a language full of obfuscations, oxymorons and innuendos.
As your first lesson, let’s examine a few estate agent ads found on the Internet. I will attempt to put some of the terms into plain English for you:
- Low maintenance garden – means it is completely paved over
- Walk to shops – jump over your back wall and you are in their parking lot
- Classic – very old
- Colonial or traditional – very, very old
- Modern – not so old
- Great starter-home – will end up finishing you
- Renovator’s delight – an absolute money pit
- Full of character – no room is painted the same
- Courtyard – very small back garden
- Quirky – all walls are at different angles
- Adorable – may be painted pink
- Cosy – small
- Snug – very, very small
- Study or second bedroom – has a large closet with no windows
- Cottage potential – an unused Wendy house (possibly old domestic quarters)
- Home office potential – a larger unused Wendy house
- Must see – because pictures do it a bit too much justice
- Charming – classic and adorable and cosy (see above)
- Sought after neighbourhood – sought after by the drug squad
- Breathtaking views – of a large motorway
- Motivated seller, bring offers – they couldn’t give it away
- Sun-splashed or sun-drenched – no curtains
- Fabulous investment opportunity – maybe BitCoins are a better bet for you
- Recently renovated – kitchen painted
- Needs TLC – you better have just won the lottery
- Calling all builders – to come and demolish the place
- Bring your decorator – to assist the builders
- Diamond in the rough – bring your builder and your decorator and some dynamite.
Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed your first lesson in agent-speak. This is just the beginning of a fantastic journey. Soon you will want to better understand lawyers, doctors and even politicians.
My father once told me I could never become a politician as I only had one face.
