Life has its ups and downs and sometimes we want to protect our children with everything we have and feel that they may be too young to handle the truth. But is it a good idea to put up a happy face in front of your kids when you know that things are falling apart? The truth is that every situation calls for a unique response.
Be sensitive
Most of us were raised in households where the uncomfortable truth was generally swept under the rug. But there will be times when a storm will hit a family and you have to deal with it head on as a unit. What’s more important is that you respect your child’s sensitivity to our emotional challenges while conveying that you are sturdy enough to find our way through. You can’t ignore the fact that your child’s survival is dependent on your ability to care for them, so they can be highly attuned to your moods. If you’re struggling, it could mean that you won’t be capable of looking after them and which can be stressful for them.
Be honest with your children
Times have changed and our children are not afraid to voice their concerns when they see there is something wrong. Sometimes, the only option is to be honest with your child and assure them that you have everything under control so that they don’t have to worry about your well being. Aim to be appropriately honest with your children when you’re going through something difficult. If your child asks, “What’s wrong?”, don’t simply say, “Nothing, honey! Everything’s fine!”, as they get mixed messages. Their active imagination often tries to make sense of what’s going on, often magnifying anxiety as they try to reconcile what they’re picking up from you emotionally, and the words you use – which often contradict the truth of what you are going through.
Don’t be brutally honest
Before you open up, be sensitive to your child’s age and maturity. Let your child lead, answering questions in an age-appropriate way that acknowledges the truth of what’s upsetting you without burdening them with details that they’re not equipped to process. Doing so will help them move into their own grown-up lives with greater resilience, emotional awareness and the confidence that will help them handle life’s tough moments with grace.
Let your words match your truth
If your little one says, “Mommy, are you sad?”, you might say, “I am a little sad today. I heard that a good friend is feeling sick and I feel bad about it. But I’m also okay and fine, and enjoying our day together. I’m both things – sad, and just fine.” If your teen wants more detail, you could say, for example, “Aunty Thembi just found out that she’s going to have to have another surgery so I’m a little distracted and sad about that. I know how much she was hoping that she wouldn’t have to go back into the hospital. I’m sad, and I had a little bit of a cry, and now I’m going to make her a soup that she can keep in her freezer. Want to help?”
