When we, as a community, experience a sad situation, so many often go into judgement. In reality, we often have no idea what transpired in those last moments. Is it up to us NOT to judge. In today’s world, surrounded by the circumstances we face daily, listening, experiencing and speaking consistently, not realising what it is we are allowing into our ears, from our ears to our mind, filtering through to the heart. When our heart is filled with hope and we are let down, it starts creating bitterness. Bitterness turns our fleshly heart to stone; that’s when we stop allowing people into our hearts. It then becomes a very lonely place.
All we are then left with is the voices in our mind. That is probably the hardest thing to fight against. Almost 100 per cent of the time those voices are not fighting for us, but against us, filling us with negativity, dragging us down day by day until we want to give up. We all act in one of two ways when we are faced with fear, trauma or anything outside our control. Fight or flight, both having various consequences, meaning every action has a reaction. Irrespective of how or what you believe, I think most are at a point in your life that the fight is between positive and negative.
Our reality is that the one we feed the most within us, is what will grow the biggest. We may not have the courage to talk to someone or the ability to recognise the right person to speak to. Remember that often when we speak to someone, we are handing them our heart on a platter. Whoever has your heart will possibly order your next steps. Guard your heart, be aware of who has your ear, chase after wise people who can strengthen your belief systems positively. I always tell the youth, show me your friends, and I will show you your future. As a community, we can do so much good by standing together. Our unified message to each other should aways be that nothing is too difficult to overcome. There is always hope; there is always a new tomorrow. Your life means something.
Looking at a glance:
For the Bereaved – Have compassion and empathy, They should not be judged, but listened to and heard. Allow them to tell their story as many times as needed. Don’t have time limits. Be a safe and secure environment for them. Allow them to express themselves in their own way. Create a network of support, friends, family and whoever shows caring. Understand they will be emotional from time to time, it could happen in waves. Most often, there could be conflicting emotions i.e: guilt, anger, regret, embarrassment, shame, fear. Counter these with recognition, validation, reassurance, empathy, compassion and acknowledg-ment of feelings. Always uplift instead of breaking down.
What to do if I feel like this
Don’t be scared to talk about it. It’s sometimes better to discuss things with someone outside your circumstances. Find out who can assist and go and speak to them.
Any of these could be possible signs for help or suicide warnings:
•Severe sadness or moodiness. Long-lasting sadness, mood swings and unexpected rage. •Hopelessness. •Sleep problems. •Sudden calmness. •Withdrawal. •Changes in personality or appearance. •Dangerous or self-harmful behaviour or interest there in •Recent trauma or life crisis •Change in finances or ability to manage •Watching dark (scary, evil) things, harmful stuff outside of normal character •Sudden questions about religion, life after death etc…
If you can relate to any of the above and need to chat, you can call your local church, spiritual leader, help line or crisis centre.
Below are also a few names in town you can call
CoachCarl (Pastor, Christian Counsellor, Life Coach, NLP, CBT, Facilitator Trainer) – 082 522 5225 EMS
Chaplaincy & Trauma Support – Iggie Verwey – 076 690 2484
Trudie Cronje (Clinical Psychologist) – 056 817 7735
Thapah’s Specialist Counsellor – 060 715 7559 Leonie Lubbe – 082 873 4083
Eska de Bruin (Depression & Suicide, Rape counsel) – 072 683 5375
Johan Groenewald (Life Coach, Substance Abuse) – 060 862 3240
Please note, some may charge for their services
