Becoming a new mommy is a wonderful time, but also a stressful time. Your body has changed, life has changed and your hormones and emotions are all over the place. This, coupled with a lack of sleep, can lead to feelings that may not be logical or rational, like the feeling that your hubby hates you – or vice versa! The best approach is to keep communication channels open so that you can both feel reassurance that while things may have changed, your feelings for each other haven’t.
Focus may shift
It’s perfectly normal and appropriate that you may not be able to focus on the needs of your husband right now as you once did. And the truth of the matter is that he may have to adjust to the fact that your time is more limited. But do encourage him to open up about his feelings too. He may be feeling side-lined or excluded from the new bond you have with your baby or it may take him a bit more time to form a bond. Working on assumptions of how someone else feels is not constructive. Feelings must be brought to the surface in a gentle and kind manner so they can be discussed and worked through. You’re a team in raising your child so include him in the responsibilities as much as you can. Right now, you both need to accept that a new baby is incredibly demanding so it will take some time to find a routine that works. If you need to feel more loved, the best way to do that is to voice your needs, ask for what you want using “I” messages. For example, ”I need to know that you still find me attractive”, or “I need us to connect more right now.”
