There is nothing that parents dread than getting a call from the school advising them they need to come to school and see the headmaster. Worst, when they get to school to be met by the news that their child is a bully. What happens when you get called to the school because your child has bullied another child? It may come as a shock because you rank your child as well-behaved and respectful at home but what you may not know is that they a nuisance, with behavioural issues, to the outside world. You wouldn’t think they are capable of bullying others.
Why is your child a bully?
A bully wants a sense of control and not only over their life but even those of others. It’s for this reason that they scare people off and make them jump at their command. Children who struggle to have effective social relations with other people usually turn to intimidation. Instead of creating a healthy relationship with other kids, It is easier for people to be scared of them. Bullies feel that rather than talking to people, people should be scared of them.
The causes of bullying
Never underestimate experts when they say children copy behaviour. They learn from observing how adults interact with each other. If they are being bullied at home, then they are most likely try and regain the power they lost by bullying their schoolmates. If there is a culture of “my way or the highway” at home, then this will be normalised behaviour for the child. Parents have a direct influence on their children whether they admit it or not. Bullying also stems from the absence of social skills. Some children have issues that inhibit them from learning these skills. So special attention has to be paid to them, or else they will navigate social settings as they see fit – and most times, without the right tools.
What you can do
The most important value you can teach your children is integrity and accountability. Integrity teaches them to do what is right, even when no one is watching and accountability teaches to take responsibility when they are wrong and fix their wrongs. As a parent you need to emphasise that everyone needs to be accountable for how they behave at home, in the playground and at school. If they are showing the behaviour of bullying at home, make them accountable for it. If you receive a phone call from the school or a parent, do not make excuses for your child. They need to be accountable for what they do and apologise, if in the wrong. After all, charity begins at home. Remember that a bully will always play victim – they feel it is never their fault. You are doing more harm than good when you make excuses for your child. They need to be held responsible for their behaviour.
Your child must manage their emotions
What you teach your child at home will reflect through their actions in the outside world. It is your responsibility to teach your children the right way of managing their emotions or frustrations. If they are used to getting their way when throwing a tantrum at home, they will also act out at school when they aren’t getting their way. Teach them healthy ways of managing conflict. Rather than acting on impulse, they need to learn to take a step back before they are mean or hit someone. Bullying others does not necessarily mean that your child is a bad person. Kids sometimes have underlying behavioural or social issues that they need help with, before it trickles into their adult lives.
