I love the sound of pyramids crashing down in the morning

The Sound of Music is one of the most-loved and well known musicals ever made. The songs are etched onto the collective memories of all music lovers.

Dundee, with its unique history and people, is also stamped on the memory of all who have passed through or lived in the town. Many movies, mainly related to the area’s rich battlefields history (Zulu Dawn probably being the most well known), have been made here and The Bowman can exclusively reveal that plans are afoot for another blockbuster to be shot in our fair town.

Heavy hitters are being brought in to give the movie an A-list feel about it. Al Pacino and Robert de Niro, who have all starred in many Mafia-style films, have been cast. Sadly, the founding Godfather, Marlon Brando is no longer around but there are other young pretenders like Ray Liotta.

The script we are told, is one of black humour and deep suspense, spiced up with a bit of illicit romance. The producers have demanded the whole thing should be a musical and just the bizarre thought of Al on lead vocals is enough to have me queuing up to see this movie. Hopefully, the old bug house in Glencoe will be revived for the premiere.

It is not clear who will take the female lead but sources close to the Avon Industrial area have not ruled out the possibility of persuading Meryl Streep to take the role.

“She sang really well in Mamma Mia! so I guess that’s why she is being headhunted,” said one Hollywood source, who was interviewed behind a tree in MacPhail Park late on Friday night.

The same source was able to smuggle out a raw script of one of the songs to be sung in the movie. Based on the much-loved Do-Re-Mi, sang by Julie Andrews, the lyrics go something like this:

P, something I eat but don’t like
Y, I often ask myself
R, Are you still with us?
A, for accidents, we have many
M, for money which we have little
I, Eye for an eye, tooth for truth
D, Die polisie moet wakker word
Brings me back to P-Y-R-A-M-I-D…
Which we build but don’t break down…

Now, what this has to do with battlefields is a bit of a mystery but adds to the mystique. Isandlwana hill of course, was said to resemble the Sphinx, which like pyramids are also found in Egypt.

According to the Hollywood source, the Park Guy, the area has a long love affair – hence the romantic part of the movie – with pyramids.

“Just like Isandlwana, disasters can happen [depicted in Zulu Dawn] when people dabble with pyramids. The guy at the bottom of the hill gets trampled on when the thing collapses but the top echelons are fine, untouchable. The movie is about little folk getting hurt while the big guys, as was Lord Chelmsford, are immune – kind of made of Teflon. It has the makings of a classic. The question is of course, will the good guys win?”

The movie is said to have a budget of millions which is no problem considering that, with all the pyramid schemes around there, the money should be easily available.

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