It is an era where Internet speeds are almost as fast as real life, people propose on social media and getting kicked out of a WhatsApp group is akin to school bullying.
The fact that Dundee is often without water and power is one of the incongruous realities of life in the 21st Century.
Burst water pipes and blackouts are just as common as potholes and park parties. However, this can be overcome by simply handing over infrastructure maintenance to a development agency.
Based in China – home to the new colonials – the development agency which goes by the name ‘So Wong on All Levels’ – has won a tender to fix all these irritants that drive residents to brandy and worse.
It is quite a simple concept. Firstly, they will remove all the electricity cables, which of course is good for the environment. Gas stoves and lights will be installed in all homes. A Chinese factory is to open to produce gas driven television sets.
Water pipes will also be dug up and removed. ”With Umzinyathi having kindly dug up so many trenches in recent weeks to fix all the bursts, the job is a hell of a lot easier than it would have been,” explained See Huaw I May Lie.
The roads, of course, will also be turned back to dust roads. “Many people think progress damages the environment. Not in our case. We are green driven. I mean, just think how bad tar – a derivative of coal – is for us all.”
But what about the poor motorists and all that dust? “Remember, there will be communal wells to where people will walk to fetch their water every day – everyone will be the same; residents in Strathmore Park and Lindelani will have to stomp outside with a bucket to fetch water from their nearest well. How equal is that? So with so many wells around, we will be able to keep the dust down which may be blown around from our newly laid dust roads.”
Okay but gee, the potholes? Look, there are more potholes on our tar roads than on our dirt roads – so? A no-brainer. And there are so many 4×4 vehicles in this dorp, I don’t see a problem. As for the rest, again, we strive for equality so let the rest walk. I mean, we have had the Gandhi Walk and the Women’s Walk, so it proves people love walking in this town in any case.”
He added that this move will take the wind out of the marchers’ sails.
“If everyone has k#k service whats the point of complaining? We all want equality and here it is.”
Ok so you seem to have this pretty wrapped up. One last question – what about those infamous park parties?
“Easy – from now on everyone will be allowed to join in on anyone else’s party. It will be a saving. Imagine, for instance, the rugby club has to host an end of year event with supper, drinks, prize giving etc.
“If there is already a party going in Coronation Park they can simply join in. Slap down a few chairs, add some vleis to the already roaring fire, share the drinks, enjoy the music and hey presto! You don’t even have to hire a hall. I tell you, socialism is the way to go. Give it a chance.”
