Warning: This column may be considered offensive by some readers!
* Save electricity! How would you like it if someone turned you on, then left you like that?
* If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day, it increases the chance of a stroke. If you let her finish the bottle, she’ll probably kiss it as well.
* A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?” “Well, husband #1 was a sales rep. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynaecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was… God, I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?” “You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m going to get really screwed!”
* Three women were at the gynaecologist having pre-natal check-ups The doctor asked the first woman, “In what position was the baby conceived?” “He was on top,” she replied. “You will have a boy!” the doctor exclaimed. The second woman was asked the same question. “I was on top,” was the reply. “You will have a baby girl,” said the doctor. With this, the third woman burst into tears. “What’s the matter?” asked the doc. “Am I going to have puppies?”
* A man came down with flu and was forced to stay home one day. He was glad for the interlude because it taught him how much his wife loved him. She was so thrilled to have him around that when a phone man arrived, she ran out and yelled, “My husband’s home! My husband’s home!”
