Why hospitals and prisons are surprisingly similar…

They may seem like they’re on opposite ends of the spectrum, but hospitals and prisons are a lot more similar than you’d think.

They’re so similar, in fact, that it’s actually quite scary. Take, for instance, the uniforms. While they may not be Prison Orange, the uniforms that patients (inmates) have to wear can be equally embarrassing.

Each hospital has their own colour with their logo or initials printed on it. So no matter where you go within the hospital premises, there’s no escaping the fact that you belong. The nurses wear uniforms too, looking like wardens patrolling the corridors. Nurses’ uniforms also differ from each other according to rank.

Thankfully, in prison though, you never have to wear a robe with your bum sticking out. If you did, dropping the soap would be the least of your worries. Another similarity between hospitals and prisons are the ‘gangs’.

Everyone in the ‘gangs’ refer to each other by surname only. In fact, most patients (and doctors too) never bother to find out your first name anyway. In hospitals, like true prison gangs, patients always walk around together, swapping stories or exchanging contraband. Contraband…? In hospitals…?
Surely that can’t be right…! Well, contraband in hospitals can include anything from cigarettes to KFC.

Yes, the cigarette trade also rears its ugly head in hospital. Staff (like corrupt wardens) sell cigarettes to patients (at inflated prices) and sometimes even smoke with them. Some patients can be seen saving the packets of sugar from morning cereal, in case they can use a collection of them as an effective bartering tool later.

One striking difference, though, between the two, is the healthcare. Yes, it’s true: prisons offer better healthcare than the hospitals do. Take all the people who go to hospitals to get better but actually come back feeling worse (like contracting Chicken Pox for instance).

Most people are so scared of going to hospitals (for fear that they will come back worse off), that they stick to home remedies instead. Some are even tempted to visit Dr Hafez down the road, though his remedies seem to cater more for getting rid of unborn babies as opposed to the flu.

Now compare all those that go to hospitals to Schabir Shaik. Schabir goes to prison, gets very sick, gets admitted, and comes out better than ever. Schabir now has a mean swing on the golf course, and all the people he has assaulted will tell you that he has a mean swing of it as well.

Hospitals may not be everyone’s cup of tea; prisons even less so – but in both cases sometimes you must just say, “Oh well, it could always be worse.”