Warning: Some readers may find the content of this column to be offensive!
* There once was a girl who wasn’t feeling very pretty, so she went to a genie to make her pretty. The genie told her that to make her feel pretty, he would make it so that every time someone apologised to her, her boobs would increase by one size. So the girl is walking down the street and someone bumps into her and says, “Oh, I’m sorry”, and the woman’s boobs went up one size. Then someone accidentally stepped on her foot and said, “I’m sorry”, and her boobs got one size bigger. Then she’s walking down the street and a man from India bumps into her and says, “Oh, my God! A thousand apologies!”
* It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home and was pulled over by a traffic cop. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn’t walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the cop wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters. The inebriated driver, figuring that the cop wasn’t coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. He was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door by two more traffic officers. “Are you Mr Johnson?” one asked. He admitted that he was. “Were you pulled over in Main Street last night for driving under the influence?” Again, the man admitted that was he. “And what did you do then,” the officers asked. “The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed. “Where is your car now?” the officers enquired. The man answered that it was in the garage. “May we see the car?” asked the cops. The man answered, “Sure”, and opened the garage. Inside the garage was the traffic cop’s car.
* A Gujji (Gujerati) Patel was living next to a Britisher in London. Once they had an argument over ‘who leads a better life’. Britisher: We have a big house. Gujji: I have a house next to yours and four more even bigger houses back in Gujarat. Britisher: I have a Benz! Gujji: I have eight Benz! Britisher (confused): Really? But I never saw you riding any! Gujji: I have three in Amdavad – Mani-ben, Ramila-ben and Kokila-ben. Two in Rajkot – Jasu-ben and Naina-ben. Two live in London itself – Daya-ben and Karuna-ben. Total, seven Bens. And this is my wife – Seema-ben! She is the one I ride. But I’m not going to show you that! We are from a well cultured family! And you could be the ninth one, Ben Chod.
* My buddy, Susan, forwarded the following: At the Murugan Temple in East-ham, London , they have weekly husbands’ marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked one Nadarajah, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, “to take a few minutes and share some insight secret how you have managed to stay married to the same woman all these years”. Nadarajah replied to the assembled husbands, “Well, I’ve tried to treat her nice, spend money on her, bought her enough jewellery and sarees, but best of all is, I took her to Chennai, India, for the 25th anniversary!” The priest responded, “Nadarajah, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary.” Nadarajah proudly replied, “I’m going back to Chennai to pick her up.”
* Before you sit and judge me, let me ask you one question – When did YOU start walking on water?
* The height of misunderstanding in a Chinese call centre… Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? Operator: Yes, you can speak to me. Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan! Operator: Yes, I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this? Caller: I am Sam Wan and I need to talk to Annie Wan. It’s urgent! Operator: I know you are someone and you want to speak to anyone. But what’s the urgent matter about? Caller: Well, just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital. Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious, but I don’t have time for this! Caller: You are so rude! Who are you? Operator: I’m Saw Ree. Caller: Yes, you should be sorry! Now give me your name. Operator: Oh…God..!
