Remember when everyone had a flag on their car to mark the World Cup back in 2010?

So here we are just days away from the World Cup. Can you believe it? It seems years ago since we were awarded the World’s single biggest sporting event – well, it was in 2004 so I guess it was years ago!
Anyway, all kinds of people are now besotted with the sport. Many rugby manne, like our Johann, are also watching what we call soccer but what the rest of the world knows as football.
Football Fridays are hugely supported. But hang on. Watch out for wannabe’s. Do not wear your Bafana shirt for a few hours on a Friday just to get your photo taken. It takes a bit more patriotism than that.
And then there are the rules and terms of football (soccer). Not as complicated as rugby or bowls, but there are some nuances that you may need to know.
A quick crash course:
Striker: Everyone in South Africa is familiar with this position. He usually works at the Municipality or is a teacher who strikes just before Matrics are about to write life-changing exams.
Left wing: Some political guy on Council who probably wants to spend all your rate money to watch ‘soccer’ and have a jol.
Right wing: Some political guy on Council trying to stop the other guy above from getting his way.
Midfielder: Someone – maybe a Councillor – who joins various political parties to ensure that he stays in the team.
Left Back: A player who is not afraid of having a chicken or two after a heated Council meeting. Is good friends with weighty strikers like our Benni. He likes a toot or two also. He has a good shoulder charge on him and sometimes can chop opponents down with a flick of a lethal boot.
Central Defender: Someone who votes against the chicken but eats it anyway. Has never once put up flags in vacant plots in Glencoe. Thinks he is Rio Ferdinand but does not have the right scowl.
Right back: The guy who is totally against chickens. Shouts at the referee a lot. Normally does not get his way but the manager keeps him in the team for entertainment value.
Goalie: Just like the financial manager. When things go wrong, he is the guy who is hauled before Sir Alex (the manager) and gets the hairdryer treatment. Prone to shouting at his defenders who overspend on chicken.
Reserves: the guys who campaign from the backroom and normally give away playing tactics to the press.
Off-side: When one of the players is caught out drinking Jack Daniels at half-time and who then sends the bill to the goalie.
Hat-trick: When the team runs out of money, the manager sends around a hat for spectators to donate so the party can continue.
Substitute: When one of the players gets ‘gatvol’ and attempts to instead become a Municipal official.
Yellow card: When the electorate get ‘gatvol’ and tell the player to ‘pasop’. This could be in the form of a by-election.
Red card: When the Minister issues aturn-around-strategy and the naughty players get dumped – only to be replaced by more naughty players…