Warning: This column may be considered offensive by some readers!
* Why did God create Adam before He created Eve? Because He didn’t want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
* How do you know when you are getting old? When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
* What’s better than a rose on your piano? Tulips on your organ.
* Why do women pierce their bellybutton? It’s a place to hang their air freshener.
* Sam: “Hey, Jim! If you stick out your tongue, I can read your personality.” Jim promptly stuck out his tongue and Sam’s reading was quick, “I can tell from your tongue that you are gullible!”
* When a woman says “What?”, it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said. Wrong! She’s challenging you to have some balls and repeat it!
* A wealthy socialite had a night out on the town with her friends. She awoke the next morning, totally naked and with a monster of a hang-over, so she rang for the butler and asked for a cup of strong black coffee. “Jeeves,” she said, “I can’t remember a thing about last night. How did I get to bed?” “Well, Madam, I carried you upstairs and put you to bed.” “But my dress?” “It seemed a pity to crumple it, so I took it off and hung it up.” “But what about my underwear?” “I thought the elastic might stop the circulation, so I took the liberty of removing them.” “What a night!” she said. “I must have been tight!” “Only the first time, Madam.”
* Remember that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
* A chaar ou and a wit ou are playing golf. The chaar ou is getting ready to tee off and suddenly starts talking to his thumb. The white guy says, “What are you doing?” “Oh, don’t worry, with micro technology, I have a microphone in my thumb. I was just recording a message.” The two men carry on golfing, but all of a sudden the white guy makes a funny sound that amazingly sounds like a fart. The chaar ou looks at him. “Oh,” says the white guy, “don’t worry, I’m just receiving a fax.”
* A belch is just one gust of wind that cometh from thy heart. But should it take the downward trend, it turns into a fart.
* What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt? On a lucky day, lipstick.
* I thought a thought. But the thought I thought wasn’t the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn’t have thought so much.
* A drunk climbs on a bar stool in a bar and screams, “All lawyers are sneaky thieves.” A man stands up and says, “Hey, I resent that remark.” The drunk shouts back, “Why, are you a lawyer?” “No,” says the man, “I’m a sneaky thief.”
* Ikes’ wife dresses to kill. She also cooks like that.
* A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
* Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
* Two old men were watching World Cup soccer, as they had done for many days. Suddenly, a funeral procession came down the road. One old man turned down the volume on the TV, faced the street and bowed his head until the procession had passed. He then picked up the remote and started watching again. The other bally was amazed and said, “I didn’t know you were that religious.” The other looked at him and said, “That’s the least I could do, we was married for 42 years!”
* I went to the doctor and he told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror!
* Susan: Sweetie, you used to give me gifts before we got married. Why did that change? Pradeep: Honey, have you ever seen a fisherman give worms to fish after catching them?
