Else Betten (75) lost a friend to suicide recently who was over 60 and it has had a profound impact on her.
“We sometimes don’t think of the elderly as being lonely if they live in a retirement village, for example. Most residents will retreat to their units or rooms at about 17:00 where they remain on their own until the following morning. Depending on their health and the weather, they might visit with a neighbour for a cup of tea but that is often not the norm. It can be very lonely.”
For those living in their own homes, it can be even more isolating if there are not others in a similar situation living nearby and who are accessible. “Many elderlies no longer drive and are fearful and unable to use technology like Uber to travel around.”
She describes reflecting on her life and witnessing her peers as they grapple with ageing and highlighted the following themes:
- Loneliness: Losing a spouse, friends or even children becomes more likely the older one gets
- Finances: Not all dreams of retirement come true. If age resulted in a job ending or limits options for new employment, those without savings or retirement plans are left in an extremely precarious position. The cost of living is increasing all the time and even those with modest pensions are finding it difficult to pay for what they once could.
- Invisibility: Many elders describe feeling like they have become invisible and are only tended to for a reason like being given their medication. Social interactions or conversations seem to dry up.
- Abandonment: People lead busy fulfilling lives with family and careers. As children grow up and move away and retirement comes, a feeling of being alone and forgotten is common.
- Pain: Advanced age often comes with medical conditions like painful arthritis, cancers and other ails, which make enjoying life more difficult. Many older people cannot afford appropriate medications to ease their suffering.
- Unmanageability: Life, when you are less physically or even mentally as astute as you once were, can make the modern world feel terrifying. Technology is daunting for many who did not have careers that used computers – so even Facetiming with family can become a stressful event if someone is not there to assist.
- Mortality: Many people fear their own mortality. This is sometimes reinforced if they have had loved ones or friends who have died, sometimes in less than soothing ways.
- Future: The future is feared by those who are already not coping with hardships like load-shedding, political uncertainty, and lack of service delivery.
She urges friends, family, neighbours and former colleagues to check in with each other regularly. “Let’s make a determined effort to stay in contact with the elderly, and make sure they know you are there if they need any help or support. This will go a long way to reducing crisis depressive episodes and possibly worse.”
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