Rape survivor breaks down barriers
MELVILLE – “If you have been through any kind of abuse the first thing you have to know is that experience does not define who you are. The greatest strength is taking all experiences and choosing where to go,” says a Melville two-time rape survivor.
How much will it take for you to forget that he pinned you down and forced himself on you with a knife to your face; and the more you cried he seemed to enjoy it?
Well, for Melville entrepreneur, mother and wife Tanya Vandenberg it took opening up and accepting that being raped was not her fault.
“I was silent. For 12 solid years I didn’t tell a soul, not even my mother, and then it happened again and I said ‘oh God, do I deserve such pain?” says Vandenberg.
“I was date raped by a guy on our first date when I was 19 and then raped again 10 years later by a friend and this friend had a knife to my throat and I couldn’t scream,” she retells.
To what felt like her demise, Vandenberg discovered that her second perpetrator was HIV positive.
“The six months that followed the rape were terrifying as I tried to find out my status,” she says.
The Zimbabwean born toughie grew up in England and Germany before moving to South Africa in 1993 to work as a social worker in the Eastern Cape.
Despite her unfortunate circumstances, Vandenberg held on and chose how she wanted her life to turn out. She is the owner of Summertime Productions on 3rd Avenue in Melville and ensures to tell her story and get involved in projects that empower women to speak up.
“These things that happened to me do not begin to define me. It took being honest about it to myself and talking to others to get over it. Talking about it creates strength,” she declares.
According to Vandenberg, rape is underreported.
“I felt I was wrong somehow because I shouldn’t have allowed myself to be in that situation, or maybe I shouldn’t have worn what I wore, I blamed myself and it made me keep quiet about it,” she says.
Society needs to change and women play a big part in influencing societal norms, according to Vandenberg.
“Women can teach sons that man cannot take advantage of women; that there is nothing manly about overpowering someone who says no,” she adds.
Her recent activity is being involved in the Lighthouse Run where women ran 42 marathons to raise awareness around domestic abuse.
“My silence had huge consequences to my life…it is because we are silent that abusers think they can get away with it. They are not ashamed so we as a society need to get to a point where men are ashamed to even think about it,” Vandenberg concludes.
Details: www.lighthouserun.co.za
