An over-50 Generation Xer sees life through a new lens: Kathy’s Window is where Kathy shares her thoughts on the world through a new lens. From growing up in the 70s and 80s to having three Generation-Z kids, and going through certain experiences in her life, she now sees the world in a different way. Ideas that were considered the norm in the 70s, 80s and 90s are now no longer socially relevant or acceptable. Kathy explores the new ideas through the lens of someone who has been on both sides of the ‘glass’.
I LOVE personality-type systems – it’s so cool putting yourself and other people in boxes.
Jokes aside, though, they’re a great way to understand yourself and the people around you better so you can accept and relate well with yourself and others. And understanding yourself feels like a warm hug.
The Myers Briggs is a very popular personality-typing system. You answer a set of questions about yourself, and then it lets you know if you’re an introvert or extravert (I or E), an intuitive or senser (N or S), a feeler or thinker (F or T) or a judger or perceiver (J or P). So, you can be an ENFP or an ISTJ and so many other options. But the Myers Briggs is limited in that it doesn’t make you aware of your internal motivations and inner struggles and fears. (You can find so much info on the 16 Personalities website if you want to know what your Myers Briggs personality type is: https://www.16personalities.com/)
Also read: Five ways travel changes your personality (for the better)
The Enneagram, on the other hand, is a great tool for becoming aware of what your greatest fears and desires are and how to work towards inner harmony, joy and fulfilment – and how to be more balanced and not let the fear dominate you. The Enneagram is based off of a system of nine equidistant points within a circle. You will be predominantly one of the personalities from one to nine. It does get more complicated where you have wings, but that’s too much for one post.
When I first did the Enneagram, I didn’t like it as much as the Myers Briggs, and I also struggled to type myself. I thought I was a two, and well, I didn’t like being a two. But then, you can’t choose what you are – you have to accept that it’s you and work with that. A few years later, I did the tests again and read up on and rewatched YouTube videos on the types and decided I was a four, not a two. But while listening to videos on the types, I still didn’t resonate with everything they said about my type. I put aside the Enneagram, thinking it wasn’t the best typing system.
When Sleeping at Last brought out his Atlas album with the nine songs based on the Enneagram types, I took to the music like a duck to water. I mean, Sleeping at Last is one of my favourite musicians, but these songs hit me right in the gut or heart, or soul – whatever. Interestingly, the Enneagram types are motivated by either the mind, the heart, the gut or the body, depending on their type. When I listened to Sleeping at Last’s Enneagram songs, I was deeply touched by his song, Nine, but still didn’t think I was a nine.
Also read: Kathy’s Window: 8 reasons not to marginalise LGBTQ+ people
The Enneagram has an ancient root and comes from the Greek words, ‘ennea’ meaning ‘nine’ and ‘gramme’ meaning ‘something written’ or a ‘figure’. It is not just a tool for understanding ourselves but also for self-development and spiritual growth – in whatever faith you follow.
Here is a summary of the nine types:
Type 1 is called the Perfectionist/Reformer. They have strong views on what is right and wrong and want the world to be perfect. Their core fear is to be bad or wrong.
Type 2 is called the Helper/Carer. They thrive on helping and caring for others, sometimes to their own detriment, and their core fear is to be unappreciated or unloved.
Type 3 is called the Achiever/Performer. Being successful and efficient is so important to them. Their core fear is being considered a failure or not being admired.
Type 4 is called the Individualist/Creative. For them, being unique and having a special purpose is vital. Their core fear is being without significance or identity in the world.
Type 5 is called the Specialist/Investigator. Knowledge is essential to this type, and they consider intelligence and self-sufficiency paramount. Their core fear is being ignorant or helpless.
Type 6 is called the Loyalist/Skeptic. The sixes are motivated by a need for safety in the world, and trust, loyalty and commitment are things they strive for. Their core fear is to be without support and security or being abandoned.
Type 7 is called the Enthusiast/Adventurer. They thrive on emotional experiences and pleasure and make friends easily. Their core fear is to be bored, deprived or limited.
Type 8 is called the Controller/Challenger. Eights want to be in charge and are powerful, decisive and confident. Their core fear is being weak or manipulated by others.
Type 9 is called the Peacemaker/Adaptor. Peace within and without is important for them. Their core fear is conflict and being separated from others or overlooked.
Also read: Kathy’s Window: The eating disorder not many people know about
Over time, a person changes and grows or becomes more self-aware, and certain experiences in my life made me realise that I desire and long for peace and oneness with others and fear separation and conflict. And well, maybe I love the Nine song because I am a nine. I did another Enneagram test recently, and it came out as nine. It’s helped me to understand myself more – why I crave alone time, especially after being around people a lot, why I will keep my opinions to myself sometimes – not always – to keep the peace, why I hate ‘fighting’ with anyone and will do anything to make them happy and for us to be reconciled. How I have sometimes put the desires of others in the forefront and forgotten my own. Yes, I sometimes wonder if I’m a four or a two, but that’s because we often resonate with all the Enneagram numbers, some more than others, because we have them all in us. But, it helps to know our predominant one.
If you’re interested in finding out what your Enneagram type is, here is a link to a free test: https://assessment.yourenneagramcoach.com/
Abbey Howe on YouTube has a great channel on the Enneagram here: https://youtube.com/@AbbeyHowe?si=k24I7OlWHMaglOVI
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