Why teenagers hardly talk to their parents

Children go through a lot out there in the world- from friendship issues and relationship concerns, to pregnancy scares and drug experiences. They experience fears, regrets and sometimes they are unable to find their way past it. Although they may need a shoulder to cry on, someone to hear them and to understand them, they may struggle to come to you as their parent for help or advice. Because of the generational gap, they may fear that you may be judgemental and may not exactly know and understand what they are going through.

Trials of teenage years

As a parent, you pray and hope that your child never finds themselves in sticky life-changing situations, but it would be naive to think that your child is completely immune from the perils of adolescence. As much as you want them to feel they can come to you when times get tough, teens often refrain from confiding in their parents and use rationales like, “They just wouldn’t understand” or “They would be so disappointed in me!”  Most of the time it’s not even because, you as the parent, are not caring, unloving or a generally a bad parent. Kids become scared to speak to their parents even though their parents are strong, capable, have-it-together and they would do anything for them. The problem, it seems, stems from their childhood, where somewhere along the way, the teen comes to the conclusion that their parent’s love and approval is conditional and based on good behaviour and achievement.

Closing the door on a trusting relationship

The problem is that in a well-intended and concerted effort to ensure children are raised to be upstanding members of society, many parents use punitive discipline techniques. Methods such as time-outs, removal of privileges, shaming and spanking are among the most common. These, coupled with achievement-based rewards  and praise, unwittingly send the message that with achievement comes love and with misbehaviour comes reprehension. This can effectively close the doors for a trusting, honest and communicative relationship with the child in the future.

Be a mindful parent

No matter what happens or whatever trouble your child finds themselves in, you need to know they can always come to you for support and guidance. To create that open and trusting relationship, you need to be mindful of the way you parent your child from the time they are born. Laying the foundation for your relationship in the years to come, starts when they are young. As a parent you must send your child a clear message that not only will you always accept them for who they are, you will always support and help them with kindness and understanding when they are having a hard time. This does not mean letting them do whatever they want- they need limits and guidance. You need to assure your teen that they can always be confident and proud of who they are no matter their shortcomings. With unconditional love, support and understanding, no matter how testing their behaviour, they need to know with you by their side, they can cope and conquer. When teens know all of this, they can easily come to you and not go out there when the going gets tough.