An over-50 Generation Xer sees life through a new lens: Kathy’s Window is where Kathy shares her thoughts on the world through a new lens. From growing up in the 70s and 80s to having three Generation-Z kids, and going through certain experiences in her life, she now sees the world in a different way. Ideas that were considered the norm in the 70s, 80s and 90s are now no longer socially relevant or acceptable. Kathy explores the new ideas through the lens of someone who has been on both sides of the ‘glass’.
YOU knew I’d be back about this topic. Well, I have more to say about it because I believe it’s so important in our society nowadays. We have worked on many areas in society – racism, anti-LGBTQ+, and gender inequality, but little has been said about fatphobia. I believe we need so much more work in these areas, I really do. But I also believe that many people aren’t that aware of fatphobia and how insidious and prevalent it is. And how much it affects our mental and physical health, despite our size.
Also read: I was fatphobic, and now, I’m fat
We have been taught by our world that being fat is bad and unhealthy. There is an inherent unworthiness to being fat. Think about the media. Firstly, on TV, in most movies and series, the likeable characters are straight-sized – what is acceptable as thin and ‘beautiful’. Any fat character is either the clown, the failure, the bully (think Harry Potter), the dropout, or the ‘crazy’ one. Then, in magazines and adverts, beauty is acquainted with thinness, and diets are touted all the time as the answer to all our woes. Fashion models are still mostly unnaturally thin (due to disordered eating) or photoshopped to be so. No wonder we are so scared of being fat. Fat is acquainted with laziness and not caring for yourself. But what if that isn’t the case? I believe it isn’t and that, as humans, our weight is a complex issue that is connected to so many factors. And according to the Health at Every Size movement, you can be fat and healthy. It’s more about biomarkers and lifestyle habits. (Not that healthy means worthy – every body is worthy!)
Finding peace within
It all starts from within. To find peace in our bodies takes a radical shift in thinking and also gentle, mindful actions that, over time, erode away the lies that have been fed to us by the multi-billion-dollar diet industry. According to extensive research, diets don’t work in the long term. Under 5% of dieters have kept the weight off five years after dieting, and some of that 5% do so through disordered eating habits, which are unhealthy. Those cheat days and uncontrollable binges on a diet aren’t your lack of control. You are not the failure; the diet has failed you! Your body is just finding a way to feed you when it perceives that you are in a famine. And also, when it perceives you are in a famine, it slows your metabolism down and stores your energy in added weight to protect you against famine and starvation. The body is clever and tries to keep us alive even if it changes the way we appear into something that is not socially popular.
How do we start to work from the inside out to get rid of that fear of fat, the incessant body-checking in the mirror to see if our ‘tummy’ has gone down, the constant need to restrict what we eat and the magical thinking that as soon as we become thin, then all our dreams will come true? It is time to start living now no matter what size your body is. You deserve to live your good life in the body you have now – and to follow your dreams.
1. Take time to read up on material on eating and health from a non-diet perspective. There are many good resources out there: Find Food Freedom at https://linktr.ee/findfoodfreedom, Jenna Warner, RD of Happy Strong Healthy at https://www.happystronghealthyrd.com, the What the Actual Forkpod podcast, the Fierce Fatty podcast, Summer Innanen’s podcast, Eat the Rules, the Real Health Radio podcast (with his website: https://seven-health.com/) and the fantastic book by Christy Harrison called Anti-Diet. Even if you google ‘anti-diet’ or ‘intuitive eating’, you will find so much info. It’s probably the easiest to follow anti-diet dietitians and nutritionists or coaches on Instagram or Facebook.
Numbers aren’t everything
2. Get rid of the clothes in your closet that don’t fit you – if you don’t want to get rid of them due to their sentimental value, you can put them in storage so that when you open your closet to get dressed for the day, you don’t get tempted to put on something that’s tight on you. If you wear a garment that is tight and uncomfortable, it will keep reminding you about your body and how you need to ‘change’ it to be comfortable. You want to feel safe and comfortable in your body right now. Your aim is to accept and become neutral towards your body but to also respect it for all it does for you. Buy clothes that fit you. Don’t look at the size – that’s irrelevant. Most sizing in shops doesn’t follow a standard anyway – I have fit into T-shirts and blouses ranging from Small to XXL. Enjoy the adventure of buying new things. If you can’t afford new, buy thrift. Some second-hand outlets or stalls are really reasonable.
Also read: Kathy’s Window: Are you being fatphobic?
3. Smash that scale or donate it to the local charity shop. Like dress sizes, weight is just a number and not an indicator of health. Health is how you feel and is influenced by your lifestyle. It’s also not always in your control – genetics, past illness or injuries, poverty or social stigma all influence our health. Would you criticise your kid if they had health struggles? Don’t do that to yourself. Instead, respect your body for all the work it’s doing towards your healing, and work with it. Standing on the scale only gets you thinking about weight and dieting. I haven’t had a scale at home now for over six years, except for a kitchen scale.
4. Clear out all those influencers on your social media feed who talk about dieting or excessive exercising, who show you their flat stomachs and what they eat in a day. Many influencers talk about ‘wellness’ which is often diet culture in a ‘healthy’ disguise. There is nothing healthy about disordered eating or an eating disorder, nor about taking diet drugs and bariatric surgery – I may go there at a later stage as it’s heartbreaking what these things do to people. Walk away or change the subject when your family or friends start talking about their latest diets if that triggers restriction and body hatred in you.
Enjoy all foods (if you can tolerate them)
5. Focus on enjoying food and eating a variety of foods. If you want to work on your health through nutrition, instead of cutting out certain foods or restricting them, rather add in nutritional foods like fibre-rich foods and colourful plants. Restriction often has the opposite effect of what you think. Size-neutral dietitians have worked with people who binge eat, who say that if they have a certain food in their house, they won’t be able to stop eating it. When they’ve been advised to keep a huge supply of that food in the house and to eat it whenever they want, the binge eaters have lost interest in the food. Eventually, when you’re no longer restricted and you’ve eaten whatever you like – when you’ve listened to your body’s cravings – you will start to crave nutritious food anyway. It may take a while to get to that point – it’s a process learning to relax around food.
Also read: Novel with huge heart, shocking truths
I read about a study a while ago – unfortunately, I don’t know where – where scientists worked with dieters and non-dieters by giving them a choice of some sweet things, such as milkshakes and ice cream. The dieters were always the ones who chose the foods higher in sugar and fat and drank or ate more of them. Not to say those foods are inherently bad, but it just reveals that restriction almost always causes binging – which often leads to shame and feeling uncomfortable – the foods are not bad in themselves. The key is to not label foods ‘good’ and ‘bad’, unless, of course, you have restricted your diet for ethical or religious reasons.
The take-home highlight: Be kind to yourself. Find out ways that you can learn to accept yourself the way you are, and work on gentle nutrition and enjoying your food – and your life!
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