Kathy’s Window: Are you being fatphobic?

An over-50 Generation Xer sees life through a new lens: Kathy’s Window is where Kathy shares her thoughts on the world through a new lens. From growing up in the 70s and 80s to having three Generation-Z kids, and going through certain experiences in her life, she now sees the world in a different way. Ideas that were considered the norm in the 70s, 80s and 90s are now no longer socially relevant or acceptable. Kathy explores the new ideas through the lens of someone who has been on both sides of the ‘glass’.

FATPHOBIA is something I only learned about in the last decade or so. I didn’t even know the idea existed until I realised I had been a victim (and perpetrator) of it my whole life, as are most people in modern society, especially women.

Why is it important to be aware of fatphobia? Well, for one, we need to root out all that shame and the bullying self-critical voice that we’ve listened to our whole lives. It’s for our mental health and in some cases, our physical health, as fatphobia can cause eating disorders, disordered eating habits and lower health markers. And very importantly, we don’t want to perpetuate the harm in society and hurt and discriminate against other individuals.

As I absorbed information online from body-positive influencers, dietitians and professionals, I learnt more and more about how fatphobic I was in my thoughts and sometimes actions. I want to share with you some of the behaviours we need to watch out for when talking to other people. Fatphobia is not only discriminatory behaviour, it’s also oppressive and harms vulnerable members of society.

1. Complimenting people on losing weight

When you compliment someone for losing weight, you are essentially saying that they are better, more beautiful or stronger for losing that weight. Yes, it takes courage and determination to go on a diet and to succeed at it, but … that does not mean that fat people have never dieted or stuck to a difficult eating plan for a long time. Or stuck to something else difficult with iron-clad determination. Does it mean that they are essentially not good or worthy for being in a bigger body?

Statistics show that less than 95% of diets work long-term – for a period of longer than 5 years. Many diet companies and programmes only show ‘before’ and ‘after’ pictures a few months or maybe a year or two later. And those who have maintained the lower weight for 5 years or longer, often have disordered eating habits that are harming them mentally or physically. In fact, dieting usually causes a person to gain back more in the end than they had before the diet. (I’m not saying all diet or lifestyle changes are harmful. If someone is being nourished enough, adjusting their lifestyle for health reasons could be beneficial.)

Besides the fact that complimenting someone on something that has proven unreliable, there’s the aspect of the hidden meaning of this compliment: Fat people are less-than, and thin deserves praise. They should be ashamed of taking up more space. They are ugly or undesirable. They are less worthy of good things in life.

Another problem with this compliment is that you do not know why the person has lost weight. For all you know, they could be ill or going through incredible stress. That would make you relishing in their suffering.

2. Commenting on people putting on weight

Another person’s body is really none of your business. If they are a close family member, and I mean really close in that you talk about everything and feel totally yourselves with each other, that may be different, but it should come from a place of impartiality and gentle discussion rather than judgement and shame. And only discuss it if the family member brings it up first.

But as for acquaintances, friends, colleagues, other family members, etc, commenting that they’ve put on weight is a way of shaming them and making them feel that their body size is something that needs adjusting. And who are you to know if they should be changing their eating or moving habits at this time in their lives or if ever? Or even if those things will ‘work’ for them?

What about health, you may say? Well first off, is their health any of your business? Have they asked you for help in that area? Secondly, what makes you think they are not healthy?

But I’m concerned, you may say. Weight gain doesn’t acquaint with health loss. (We will get into that in a later article for all you geeks and boffs.)

Refrain from comments like “Why have you let yourself go?” or “What happened to you?” or to women, “Are you pregnant?”

3. Commenting on or giving fat people a disapproving look at what they are eating

There are so many reasons why this makes me want to transform into a fire-breathing dragon.

– How do you know what the person has been eating for the last few hours, days, months, or years? Or how active they’ve been?
– How do you know what their body needs at the time?
– Is what they eat a moral issue? Does the eating of a doughnut make them a bad person or is it committing a crime?
– Have you ever commented on a thin person eating the same food? Think about this honestly.
– Is their health your business, as explained above? And does being fat automatically make a person unhealthy? In fact, no, it doesn’t. Statistics have shown that lifestyle, social environment and safety play the most important roles in a person’s health. Besides, their health IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
– Food isn’t just about nutrition. It’s a strong part of our social structures and celebrations, our mental well-being and our recreation.

4. Complimenting fat people for exercising

By complimenting a fat person for exercising, you are inadvertently saying these three fatphobic things:

Firstly, they should be exercising because they are fat, so good for them. Their body needs to be changed for society’s benefit. Does it? How does their fat harm you?

Secondly, you are assuming the reason they are exercising is because they want to lose weight. Exercise is something people do for losing weight but also for fun, for building or maintaining fitness, for competitiveness and sport, for mental and physical health, or for recreation. You don’t know the reason for a person partaking in moving their body. And why is losing weight something to be commented on? We’ve covered that already.

Thirdly, you are assuming that a fat person exercising is an anomaly. Fat people are capable of being fit and excelling in sports and winning competitions. They are also capable of maintaining a fitness programme for years. And they don’t necessarily lose weight while doing so. I’m one of them!

So, before you say these things, consider what effect they may have on a person in a bigger body. You might cause them shame and make them spiral into depression, anxiety or self-hatred. Or an eating disorder. And eating disorders can cause death!

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