Durban North rape survivor condemns ‘shame conditioning’

AS sexual assault awareness month draws to an end and following the heated ‘naked protests’ of female Rhodes University students against sexual violence last week, Durban North resident, Hayley Rautenbach, has also spoken out, saying more focus needs be directed at the victims.

Despite the prevalence of sexual assault cases, she said, many family, friends and even authorities remain unsure and untrained in dealing with rape victims.

“The most important thing a person can do is to acknowledge the victim’s experience. This amounts to 90 per cent of the victim’s healing process,” said Rautenbach, who has since her own ordeal started a victim support group.

Society’s ‘shame conditioning’ has prevented many women from speaking out about their ordeal as they fear being rejected, judged and even blamed for the attack.

“I have found that with most victims there is a deep sense of embarrassment and shame, and matters are made worse as the victims are often blamed for the assault. In no other crime is the victim suspected, blamed or interrogated as with sexual assault cases,” she said. This response, said Rautenbach, adds to the victims’ trauma.

“When a person has been sexually assaulted they become numb, their brain even becomes scrambled and their very essence as a woman or man has been violently stripped. Every aspect of who they are and what they believed has been destroyed, and they now need to start rediscovering who they are,” she explained.

Mark Hoinkes, Rautenbach’s partner and fellow counsellor, echoed her sentiments, saying loved ones often feel overwhelmed with the news of a sexual assault, and in most cases try and ‘fix’ the situation or assume that the person needs ‘space’. “However, a hug or a reassuring touch is something most victims crave. They need to feel that they are still worth loving,” he said.

For more information, visit www.hayleyhealing.co.za and www.witnessmyjourney.com.