Don’t let having a baby come in the way of a healthy relationship

Having a baby arrive from the hospital, after birth, is a joyful time for any family. But that joy can quickly be short-lived when the new member of the family refuses to sleep, cries hysterically, leading to sleepless nights for both you and your partner. This can easily kill the sparkle in your relationship. You shouldn’t allow having a baby affect your relationship. You can keep the passion burning while raising a healthy and bouncing baby.

Lack of sleep
While you were pregnant sleep becomes a distant memory as you toss and turn on most nights. Once the baby arrives, sleep becomes a luxury and the time to do other things almost becomes non-existent. Your life revolves around your baby’s needs, so it’s normal that the intimacy in your relationship will decrease. Because of the exhaustion and a lack of sleep, a couple’s sex life takes a back seat. Fatigue, anxiety and discomfort following the birth of a child can decrease your libido. This is completely normal.

Solution: As with most things after having children, you will need to schedule time for each other. This time can be used for romantic evenings or just carving out an hour or two in the mornings to spend some quality time together. Spontaneity is difficult, but adding spice to your sex life isn’t. Make the time to be intimate, even if you have to plan it.

Feelings of guilt
As the baby grows, you will slowly learn to let go. Because of the Corona virus, many couples are afraid eat out and would grab food or get it delivered, Romantic dinners become take-aways and when parents do finally get a chance to wind down while the child is with the nanny, they feel guilty about leaving the baby with a babysitter and end up worrying about the baby all evening. As a result, your quality time together is spent thinking about your child and not each other. This can lead to your relationship deteriorating to such an extent that you feel like strangers sleeping in the same bed. Any attempts at romance are rejected because you are exhausted, have a headache or just have a general lack of desire.

Solution: Asking for help is not a weakness. Take advantage of all the babysitting offers from trustworthy family but make sure it is family that lives with you because currently under level 3 lockdown, visits amongst family are not allowed. Make a point of organising romantic evenings for just the two of you. Take a bath together, indulge in a romantic meal or just spend time talking to each other. This will help to re-build the emotional connection between the two of you. Reminisce about when you first met and try to re-create those romantic moments. Spend your alone time encouraging each other and building each other up.

There’s a baby in our room
Some couples may feel guilty about having sex ‘in front’ of their baby if they share the room with the baby and know that the baby is asleep. Couples may feel the baby is another person in the room and psychologically it may be disturbing to have another person in the room when having sex.

Solution: Go to another room where you and your partner can spend some intimate time together.

You are on the edge of a breakdown

The baby wakes up most the night which may disturb your rhythm of sleep and end up not getting rest ahead of a hectic work day. The lack of sleep can easily lead into you being exhausted and out of touch with reality.

Solution: You and your partner must take turns to look after the baby at night. You can also alternate days so that one person is able to get a full night’s sleep. If you are both exhausted, don’t force matters. Ask for helper to look after the baby for that night. Two hands are always better than one