#IssuesAtStake: Let the good times roll

Tempus fugit (how time flies). We are already in the second half of the year and before we know it, we’ll be tormented to death by irritating Christmas carols in malls from November.

But once we’ve survived the festive season absurdities – and with a little bit of patience – some good times beckon.

I realise this seems like an impossible New Year’s wish list given the current state of the nation and our well-being (or rather ill-being), what with increasing costs of living, economic hardships, ongoing loadshedding, rising unemployment and dysfunctional service delivery in all spheres of our lives.

And yes, not much is likely to change.

So, what optimistic nonsense is this, you may well ask.

I base this on the fact that it will be election year. Although the date must still be confirmed, we are guaranteed at least a few months of efficiency (well, to some degree) and the pleasure of seeing grovelling “live” politicians flitting about in our communities begging for favours with bags full of empty promises.

Once the ballots have been cast, they will typically disappear for the next five years of course and become rare sightings, so grab the opportunity of at least touching or photographing the species before that happens.

But a few positives will no doubt emerge, superficial as they may be.

In the run-up to voting day, I’m confident loadshedding will somehow be sorted out. The ruling party will have to find ways and means of keeping the lights on and prevent further job losses and business collapses.

Every day in the dark sheds some votes. How they will achieve this, remains to be seen though, since hooking up cables to Zim’s grid is not a feasible option. Are there solar plants in Babanango or Pofadder?

There will no doubt be a hive of activity in neighbourhoods – from pothole repairs to fresh coats of paint on road markings, replacement of streetlights and such.

Ministers will arrive in person to inspect hospitals, the long queues at Home Affairs offices, dilapidated rural schools and bridges, trumpeting immediate action to eliminate problems and frustrations. (Such speeches will be kept in files to be repeated word for word in 2029).

Ah, and then the favourite election trick (by all political parties). Oxen on the spit, free bags of maize meal and T-shirts, and all kinds of other freebies – let’s have a piss-up “paaarty” and Bob’s your uncle.

The twaddle chatter and activities of opposition parties always make for fascinating, if not comical relief, as well.

I’m especially keen to see what stage moves Democratic Alliance leader John “Moonshot” Steenhuisen will have up his sleeve.

His adopted fist-in-the-air amandla cries somehow doesn’t have the same convincing impact the power salute has when delivered by a black dude.

But god forbid he contemplates going the Helen Zille route of trying to impress the masses with a white man’s version of the toyi-toyi in full public view. Zille’s ungainly dance moves never quite cut it.

Witnessing Steenhuisen doing the hop in white tekkies will be a sight too ghastly to contemplate. He will have to find his mojo in something else – a major challenge for his image doctors.

So, whichever way you look at it, election year will provide the populace with some small positive developments – and comic relief.

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