We are not novice dog owners.
But I am fast discovering that we are novices at potty training.
Two weeks ago when we took a drive to collect our 8-week-old German Shorthaired Pointer pup I was feeling confident.
“How hard could it be?” I thought and casually Googled potty training techniques, just to see if anything had changed since we brought Flash home 8 years ago.
All the articles were much the same.
Never react negatively to puddles they all said, you will ruin the bond between you and dog forever they said (already failed).
One bloke suggested I set my alarm every 2 hours through the night to take pup out for his piddles.
You don’t want the dog barking to wake you, he said sagely, because this will become a habit and you will become a slave to his urges.
No, you have to take control, he said.
You must be the master of your puppy’s bladder and then gradually stretch him until he is sleeping through the night (again, fail).
Thinking back, a warning bell should have gone off while I was reading these know-all dog whisperer-type blogs.
They all write with the same casual confidence as the baby sense gurus, with their ’10 easy steps to getting your baby to sleep through the night’ nonsense that we gobble up in sheer desperation as new moms.
More like 10 months of sleep deprivation while your baby successfully trains you, or you can now sleep while nursing.
Anyway, lulled into a false sense of security I diligently followed his advice for 2 nights, tasking him outside at regular intervals.
However, instead of doing his business, Simba would look up at me wonderingly and curl up on my slippers.
He would have gone right back to sleep too had I been willing to stand there all night – a frozen pole with warm feet.
On the way back into the house I would almost certainly step in a puddle… Oh fudge… “I must pick up more newspapers to bring home tomorrow,” I would think while inspecting my rapidly declining pile under the kitchen sink.
After 2 nights I was irritable and sleep deprived.
So I hoisted the responsibility back at Piet, whose idea of getting a new puppy had been his in the first place.
He wasn’t as diligent at setting his alarm though.
Two weeks later and we are still playing dodge the landmine as patiently as we can. Last night the score was 3 to Simba and 2 to us (that’s 2 wees successfully done outside).
In the morning Piet grumbled something about it being a waste of time me setting my alarm because it woke him instead of me.
I replied that it had worked better than expected.
Either we have been doing this all wrong, or our expectations have been too high. It’s similar to those people who ask parents of week old babies, ‘Is he sleeping through the night?’ or worse, ‘Is he a good baby?’
That sleeping through the night should even be an expectation is ridiculous.
If it happens to you it’s a miracle and should be treated as such.
I guess the same goes for Simba.
He is still a baby after all, and even if he poos on my bathroom mat, he is still a good dog.
