Phrenology is a pseudoscience which involves the measurement of bumps on the skull to predict mental traits.
Palmistry, or chiromancy or palm reading, is the claim of characterisation and foretelling the future through the study of the palm of the hand.
Then there are other ‘sciences’ of professed gurus who’ve unfolded the secrets of their divine knowledge for us: Vedic Astrology, Feng Shui, Numerology, and Tarot Card Reading come to mind.
Now there’s another to add to the list: Maskology.
Or how to recognise someone wearing a medical mask when all you have is the eyebrows to go by.
There are other clues like gender, height and weight, hair colour and whether they’re driving a Mahindra or a Maserati, but faces are what clue us in on the name of the person you’re talking to.
Lockdown has been a revelation.
No, it’s been a nightmare!
There you are, walking along the road in your regulation mask and dog-on-a-leash and along comes some cheerful fellow and shouts blurrily through three layers of medically sanitised bathtowel “Hello Bruce!” Or “hurrroo boosh!”
You’ve got a few seconds to make up your mind.
“Hello Ummm” doesn’t go down too well as a response. In a flash you check gender/size/colour/eyebrows. I’ve taken to replying “Hi!” as brightly as possible in preference to “Hello Mmmbil.”
Various studies of facial recognition reckon that we do a quick check of each eye and then the mouth and nose, and then broaden out to the other characteristics in the process of recognising people.
So how are we expected to cope when more than half is covered up?
Not very well, just like my iPhone that doesn’t recognise me anymore.
That’s why we wore masks when we played “Cops and Robbers” as kids.
We weren’t supposed to recognise the robbers.
Or was it the cops? It’s all so confusing.
Some people have beautiful eyes.
Some have little piggy ones.
Some smile at you.
Some are as cold as ice. (Some people are even improved by masks, but we’ll keep this polite, shall we?).
People easiest to recognise are those whose smiles reach their eyes and eyebrows.
There’s movement in the eye area, a broadening of the eyes and lifting of the eyebrows that signals ‘welcome’ and even if it’s faked, it just looks better.
People who don’t smile with their eyes look guarded and watchful, as though they’re expecting you to pull a fastie (now that sounds like me).
I’m hard of hearing, but had not realised how much I rely on lip-reading until now.
I repeatedly have to ask supermarket cashiers, in particular, to repeat themselves. “Plastiek?” or “Spar Rewards?” just sound like “pomomuh?”
By the way, a medical school in Berlin researched a condition called congenital prosopagnosia, or face blindness, a condition in which people are unable to recognise others by their facial features.
Apparently it affects a really small number of people, like 1% of the world’s population.
They’re the ones who really couldn’t care whether you wear a mask or not – they never know who you are anyway!
At the extreme end of the scale, the big test will come when the mask-wearing era ends, whenever that might be, and you struggle to recognise your nearest and dearest.
It could also be a hint of early onset dementia.
Lockdown level 3 is game over, judging by the behaviour of people all around.
They’re surfing, paddling, walking on the beach without a care in the world.
No surprise, the regulations are so confusing. You can fish, but can’t go to the beach.
Really? Professionals can surf and paddle. Everyone’s a pro.
We’re all terrified of catching the virus, but they tell us on the box we’re going to get it anyway.
It’s just a matter of time.
One day the hospitals are overwhelmed, the next they’re empty. Which is it?
I’ve just about given up paying attention to the daily barrage of bad news.
I do understand that this is a first time for everyone so it’s tough to call the shots, but the non-stop flip-flopping over schools – they’re open, no they’re closed – and beaches and clothing is so confusing I switch off.
When Covid-pick-a-number comes around, please can we do this whole thing better, without totally wrecking the world?
* * *
Obviously a tad jealous at all the attention being given to the health department as brave frontline fighters against the dreaded V, the provincial water department enlivened an otherwise boring press release thus:
“The Department of Water and Sanitation (DWS) in KwaZulu-Natal has expressed concern over the marginal decline of dam levels amid the spread of Covid-19 in the province.”
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