The President said that before his national broadcast last week he had spoken with US president Donald Trump, I wonder who called whom? Did Donald call Cyril or the other way round?
Donald is having a lot of trouble keeping his state governors in line. If he made the call, he would have wanted to know how Cyril managed to keep the provincial premiers dancing to his tune.
And if it was Cyril who phoned first, he wanted to know how to extend the lockdown. Donald would have said, “Just lie to ’em.”
Well, Cyril didn’t lie to the nation last Thursday, but he did a pretty fine job of selling us a pup – an extension to lockdown and making it look like a concession.
In May we’ll do Stage 4, in June Stage 3, in July Stage 2, or maybe back to 3 or 4 if things go wrong . . . You realise that it could be quite a long time before life goes back to normal, don’t you?
My guess is the new normal is going to be very different a long way into the future.
If social distancing is practised (don’t you just love the new terminology? It used to be called ‘Keep your flu the hell away from me!’) then air travel is going to be very difficult.
It’s all very well for the larnies up in first or business class, but us yobbos back in cattle class will have to keep a couple of empty seats between us.
I don’t see the airlines being happy about flying half full. Of course, they could always just double the price of air tickets! Hadn’t thought of that.
How are we going to ensure a two-metre gap between staff when it’s time to go back to the office?
Some can work from home, but that comes with a whole lot of complications.
I’m an old-style employer and I like to see whether Joe is sitting in the corner picking his nose, instead of paying attention to the customers.
Workshops, for example, need hands on the job. Mechanics, oops, sorry, automotive technicians, can’t work from home! And a hundred other businesses where manpower is key.
How are houses going to get built without teams of brickies and labourers? Virtual houses just won’t cut it.
As one speaker said in the iLembe Chamber webinar last week, we are going to have to examine our businesses and if they’re not going to be viable, then it’s time to find another way of earning a living.
I mean, how’s a restaurant going to work with five customers at a time and a couple of takeaways?
There were well over 100 restaurants in this area alone. There will be tears, sadly.
With weddings down to 10 people, there won’t be a need for venues, wedding planners or caterers.
Or staff. You can do it yourself at home, two metres apart. Ditto for conferences. Ditto for events like the Miss Ballito contest, for stadium rugby and soccer, for cricket and other big sporting events.
Goodbye theatres – the list goes on and on. Not for ever, but for a long time. The world got back to normal after the world wars and the Spanish Flu, so it’ll get there eventually after Covid-19, but it’ll be a while.
Mostly our government has done a top job of running this lockdown, but there have been a few stupid rules.
Like no warm food. NDZ said it was to stop people going out for hamburgers. Where, please? Then booze and ciggies. I understand the booze, but it’s a bit much to expect every smoker to go cold turkey.
The day I catch Rose chugging hand sanitizer with ice and a slice, it’s gone on too long!
It didn’t stop some shopkeepers from being innovative. I saw a picture of a supermarket display of pineapples, sugar and yeast that just begged for a sign saying “Brew Time!”
Question: Hey Cyril, where did you find R500 billion?
Cyril: Well, we have sold rather a lot of pineapples lately . . .
Talking of which, he wouldn’t have had to raise R500bn if the money hadn’t been stolen or frittered away on SAA, Eskom, Estina dairies, and and . . . That’s one thing about the news lately, it’s all Covid-19 and the Guptas and JZ have been forgotten. I almost miss them.
But you know what I think is the strangest thing about this whole lockdown? In the past, we used to isolate sick people. If you were sick, stay at home.
There were leper colonies so they didn’t spread the disease. This time, it’s the healthy who’re being isolated. It seems back to front to me.
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I have become used to reading a lot on tablets, particularly over this period, but there are some things that have to be done on paper.
When I was laid up after a knee op last June, friends gave me a book of crossword puzzles which I keep in the smallest room of the house.
Many hours have been passed scratching my head over the clues and I’m pleased to have just completed No. 74.
They’re fiendishly difficult, as one would expect from a book titled ‘Bletchley Park Crossword Puzzles,’ but that’s not to say I’m at that level at all – Mr Google has helped me out of some tricky corners (and if he doesn’t know, I ask my wife).
Thing is, it just wouldn’t be the same on a tablet – crosswords have to be done with pencil and paper.
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At a couples conference the speaker mentioned that couples are so disconnected that 85 percent of husbands don’t know their wives favourite flower.
Koos turned to his wife and whispered: “Dis self-raising, né?
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