I really must learn to read.
Driving up Ballito Drive, turning left onto the M4 to go towards the hospital, I came up behind a little blue car driving hesitantly towards the robots.
It had a very large sign on the back saying CAUTION LEARNER DRIVER and, if anyone had missed that, a supersize L that stands for Learner.
The only thing they could have added to make their point would have been IDIOTS KEEP YOUR DISTANCE!
It was also hopping in that hilarious way that learner drivers do when they’re in too high a gear. I shouldn’t have laughed, I know that now.
It got to the lane that glides left and stopped at the yield sign, quite correctly, to let traffic past. When all the cars had gone it set off. All good so far.
I looked over my shoulder to the right to see if any more cars were coming and, as it looked to be clear, I took my foot off the brake and the car rolled forward.
I was still looking right at this point, which was not clever. So, I flicked my eyes left to check the road was clear before accelerating and . . . the little blue car was stopped firmly in the road ahead! It was exactly one split second ahead of my front bumper.
I only had time to say “Oh no!” and stamp on the brake, but there was no way I could stop in time.
My car thumped into the back of the little blue job, which of course stood quite still as the learner driver had her foot firmly on the brake pedal.
The driver was a young woman who, understandably, was quite shocked. Poor girl, out for a driving lesson and a big SUV whacks her up the backside.
The instructor was also in a state. As you get older, it gets harder to judge the ages of young people.
I see young mothers pushing prams who look as though they should still be in school uniforms. Anyhow, these two ladies looked about 16 but were probably older.
Their car seemed to be very slightly damaged: a broken rear wiper and some scuff marks from my paint, otherwise not much (that is, until I see the insurance claim!).
My SUV, on the other hand, looked a wreck.
The whole front grill and fenders had popped out of their clamps and the bonnet was dented.
The whole assembly looked as though it had been held together with hairpins. The damage to my car? R27 000. Theirs? R5 000.
I’m in the market to buy a big, strong bull-bar. And I’m also going to get some reading lessons!
* * *
You may have noticed the story in the news that American presidential hopeful Joe Biden claims that he was arrested while on a visit to Johannesburg in 1977.
He was tagging along in a group with the Reverend Andrew Young, a fairly controversial politician who had his sights on being the first Black US president.
It was quite a blast from the past, because I was part of the local and foreign media group that chased Rev Young as he paraded around Jo’burg glad-handing the local celebs.
The whole visit was conducted as a sort of “up yours” to the Nat government, which could do absolutely nothing to stop him, particularly as the main stop on his tour was Harry Oppenheimer’s pad at Brenthurst.
Much that they might have wanted to, there was absolutely no way the government or security police could lift a finger to stop any of the Americans.
Even they would have been embarrassed by the fall-out. Certainly nobody in Young’s group was arrested or even approached by any South African official throughout their stay.
In fact, it would absolutely have made their whole visit to have been arrested or harassed.
The Rev Young, still alive and kicking in Atlanta, says he doesn’t remember Biden being arrested.
Neither do I. Maybe Biden thinks if Trump can lie and get away with it, that’s how presidents should behave!
* * *
A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant.
This is her first pregnancy.
The doctor asks her if she has any questions.
She replies, “Well, I’m a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?”
The doctor answered, “Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it’s difficult to describe pain.”
“I know, but can’t you give me some idea?” she asks.
“Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little…”
“Like this?”
“A little more…”
“Like this?”
“No. A little more…”
“Like this?”
“Yes. Does that hurt?”
“A little bit.”
“Now stretch it over your head!”
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