Have you ever sought out rejection? That sounds crazy, right? Rejection is to be avoided at all costs. Surely no sane person would look to be rejected.
Not so, says YouTube star Jia Jiang, who has gone on to acquire internet fame for his 100 Days of Rejection videos.
Jiang realised that his fear of rejection – stemming from a childhood humiliation – was his biggest obstacle to following his dreams.
Paralyzed by this fear most of his adult life, Jiang finally left the security of his corporate job to build his own company.
When his app design was repeatedly rejected the effect was almost enough to cripple him.
He sought help but none of the ‘seven steps to overcoming rejection’ type advice had any effect.
Until he stumbled on a website encouraging users to seek rejection for 30 days.
Never one for half measures, he decided to do 100 days and publish his attempts on YouTube.
From asking a stranger to lend him $100 to asking a doughnut shop to make him doughnuts in the shape of the Olympic rings, Jiang desensitized himself to the pain and shame that rejection often brings and, in the process, made some surprising discoveries.
He found that rejection is simply a numbers game. If you ask enough people, eventually someone will give you what you ask.
One day he walked onto an airfield and asked the first person he saw if he could fly a plane.
“Do you know how?” asked the man.
“No,” he replied, “no idea.”
“I guess I could teach you then,” replied the pilot!
Jiang discovered that simply asking for what you want can open up possibilities where you expect to find dead ends.
I was introduced to Jiang’s story a few weeks ago at the Global Leadership Summit, hosted at 1,400 sites worldwide, including Linc church in Foxhill.
The summit was inspiring.
Two days of back-to-back speakers, including the likes of writer, adventurer and TV host Bear Grylls and former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss, addressing all sorts of leadership issues.
But what does rejection mean to me?
It probably boils down to the essence of every social interaction. This mom I meet on the playground, does she like me?
If not, the fear of rejections says this is a reflection on me. In that case I would much rather not even try befriend her.
Jiang’s theory is that her rejection of me says more about her then it does about me.
If I approach enough moms, I will eventually find one who wants to befriend me. Conquering rejection means that you no longer take it personally. You pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again.
High school was where I most vividly remember feeling rejected.
I was an awkward teenager and I never felt quite like I belonged. But looking back I wonder what all the fuss was about.
I had a solid friend group of six amazing girlfriends, most of whom are still good friends, despite being scattered around the world.
Fast forward 16 years and while I find it much easier to strike up conversations with strangers the subtle fear of rejection is still there just under the surface.
Only now I know that this is not unique to me, we all feel it. Once you realise that even the ‘popular kids’ fear rejection it takes the sting out of the fear.
It turns out that if you want to go anywhere in life you are going to have to embrace rejection the way Jia Jiang has.
Perhaps I should try out for Idols?
That would be a sure fire no! I still vividly remember being rejected by the choir at Umhlali Primary School.
In fact I was so crushed I think my mom may have had something to do with the choir teacher’s sudden change of heart. If you thought rejection was tough, try watching your own kids on the receiving end.
I am going to have to sit on my hands to stop myself from marching onto the playground to sort out any little bruisers who are mean to my boys. Eish…
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