Why do relationships change after having a baby?

Disruption is the name of the game when it comes to parenting.

People often speak about how you will never sleep again, or how your time is never truly yours anymore, but there is so much more that shifts after a baby is born. Partners are adding a person into their relationship. This means that the very nature of your relationship will inevitably change.

If your work priorities change, and you start spending less time with your friends, then relationship dynamics will also be affected.

Let’s make this clear; Children don’t always make couples grow apart or have less time for each other. Sometimes, adding a new member into the family brings partners closer together.

These are some of the factors that contribute to the changes in relationships after having a child.

Less time to yourself and your partner

Time is crucial when trying to maintain a healthy relationship. Lack of it can make people feel like they are living with a stranger that is helping them raise a baby. A new baby is completely dependant on his parents, and he becomes the number one priority for both mom and dad. They, therefore, ensure that they spend as much time as they can with the baby while he is awake, and do all they can for the baby when he is asleep.

This then takes time away from couples to sit and look at each other in the eyes and have a simple and baby free conversation. According to The 1st 1000 Days, a parenting supporting group, the sharp reduction of time changes the dynamics of any relationship.

Baby this, baby that

“I found myself not having anything else to talk about but the baby”, one mom shared with Parenty. Healthline Parenthood describes this as transactional communication. Couples don’t talk with each other anymore but bark commands that leave the other frustrated. “It’s your turn to change the diaper, go make the bottle, I am going to sleep now and it will be your turn later”.

This becomes all mom and dad truly say to each other, and your child becomes the only glue that is keeping the relationship together.

Mounting responsibilities

A lot of times, women feel that the onus of child-rearing is on their shoulders. This leaves them frustrated and tired, and will, therefore, be highly irritated at their partners. A lot of new moms might even start disliking their partners. Especially at 2 am when she is up feeding and her husband is snoring away.

The only way to get this right is to be prepared. Couples talk about a lot of changes that will happen after the baby arrives. Changing relationships should also be on the preparation list. People deal better with things when they are expecting them.

When you are more aware of what changes are taking place, then you become more conscious of what you are doing, and how you can make a change.

-More date nights
-More baby-free talk
-Discussing and diving responsibilities accordingly

All of these can significantly reduce the stress children exert on relationships and leave couples a lot happier.

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