Orchids and Onions to the political parties for their marketing

Now that the dust has settled on the local government elections – which were a bit of a farce, given that just 3
out of every 10 eligible voters put their crosses on ballots – where do the Orchids and Onions go to the political parties for their marketing (because that is, essentially, what campaigning is)?

The ANC was always on a hiding to nothing. As the party that has mismanaged the country and stolen it blind, it was going to have to have sensational campaign messages to divert the attention of voters.

That it didn’t have. And it showed at the elections.

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Its product was pathetic and its marketing was adequate, so it gets an overall Onion. Voters (both those who voted and the ones who stayed away in protest) would agree with me, I’m sure.

Loudest in the media – through the “own-goal” controversies its leaders generated and through the huge amount it must have spent on postering and advertising – was the DA.

It also had the best slogan: “The DA gets things done.”

Those words spoke to the image of the party as the one running the best municipalities in the country – at least for those in the suburbs (and that is still the DA’s major target market). It also spoke to the anger of many people at the manifest truth that the ANC, at all levels of government, does not seem to be getting things done.

So an Orchid to the DA for the best slogan of the campaign.

Its self-inflicted reputation injuries, however, speak of a party which does not have enough control over its loose cannons – even those right at the top said and did things thatalienated many of their traditional liberal voters.

Don’t believe me? Look at the results.

So the DA gets an Onion for not ensuring that all people involved in a brand need to reflect a positive image for that brand.

And too many brought the party into disrepute.

Initially, the new kid on the electoral block, ActionSA, had possibly the stupidest political slogan in recent memory, which asked you, as a voter, whether you were “gatvol” of politics … seemingly blissfully unaware that is precisely what the party is involved in.

This has been more than amply confirmed by the political horse-trading by its outspoken leader, Herman Mashaba. Gatvol got an Onion from me previously, so no need to give another.

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The ActionSA follow-up slogan was certainly better but, given the obvious state of South Africa, it was also obvious: Let’s Fix South Africa. But it would have appealed to the target audience, so it gets an Orchid.

The EFF did not do nearly as well as its blustering leadership claimed it would – Julius Malema at one stage claimed they would get 65%. In reality, in most municipalities, they struggled to get much above 10%. However, their poster design was clear, legible and spoke to its target audience about “Land and Jobs”.

While that may be a national issue, it would still have been an emotional hot button for some, so the EFF gets an Orchid for that.

Final Onion goes to the IEC, the electoral oversight body, for so much confusion and illogical fiddling with the voters’ roll. Maybe that is sour grapes on my part because I had to vote at a different polling station because the IEC decided to split our family in two.

Salt in the wound was when one official claimed it was because we had re-registered from a new address.

Funny, we’ve been in this house for 27 years, haven’t moved and always voted in the same place.

Tip to the IEC: don’t blame the customer. I know it’s what most SA companies do, but it’s tacky.

Sadly, we can’t vote you out…

• Still in grumpy mode, I have to say I think it is so cynical of Castle Lite beer to launch its “greenwashing” ad campaign as the COP26 climate conference opened in Glasgow.

Castle Lite, it said, was moving to “renewable energy”. This so that its buyers could party more and watch more sport.

Using more electricity in the process … no matter where it comes from. Besides, I’ll bet the only “green
issue” Castle Lite drinkers care about is the temperature of the green glass bottle.

Onion to you, Castle Lite. And it’s probably renewable because I’ll bet you’ll carry on doing this to convince people of your commitment to a better world.