When Carl meets Juju – at last

No sooner has Carl Niehaus announced his intention of forming a new political groupcum-party, he receives a call from Julius Malema.

“I like your thinking, soldier boy. Let’s meet and talk turkey. I’ll book a place at the Royal Hotel in Pilgrim’s Rest.”

It’s out of season, so the town and the hotel are quiet and the gents make it to the hotel without being spotted. Given their different backgrounds, the manager, with humorous intent, serves a bowl of Liquorice Allsorts instead of the customary peanuts and biltong.

ALSO READ: Carl Niehaus ‘officially’ quits the ANC

Being the first formal face-to-face meeting between the two who are poles apart in looks, hue and academic achievement, the atmosphere is tense. Until the first few sips of liquid refreshment of Castle Lager and Koffiehuis.

“Cheers!” says tippler Juju. “Boeretroos!” replies Carl.

“Tell me Juju, what is your interest in my plan? I mean, the EFF is a successful brand, why bother with an untried fledgling?”

“Reading between the lines, I suspect you want to see the end of president Ramaphosa?”

“Aha, now I get it. Pooling our resources could cut into the ANC’s majority, ultimately forcing Cyril to throw in the towel.”

ALSO READ: Carl Niehaus’ ‘movement’ seen as bid to weaken ANC, Ramaphosa

“Now you’re cooking. If the voters witness a successful tie-up between you, a white man – and an Afrikaner at that – and I, a black man, suspected of hating white people, it might change their minds about us.”

“Sounds good, but you and I can never be buddies. You have pending court cases. You continue singing about killing the boer.”

“Hang in there now. You’re not lily-white yourself. I’ll never allow my parents playing dead for an insurance claim. So let’s not go down that road. Let’s spend the next few months strategising and come up with a plan whereby we mutually benefit.”

WATCH: Carl Niehaus starting new political party, invites ANC members

“Good idea, Juju. But unless you and I are seen to be getting on amicably, we’ll be wasting our time.”

Juju nods vigorously. They slurp the last of their drinks, give each other the arm and leave the hotel. A disappointed manager had hoped for a long session in the pub after the talks. He had heard of Juju’s staying and paying power at parties.

“Just for spite, they won’t get my vote.”